by Philbert of Macadamia on 30/12/15 at 8:06 am
Washington DC: (satireworld.com)
The North American Aerospace Defense Command (NORAD) had just finished tracking Santa Clause when a large object was spotted heading towards planet Earth. As the object grew larger, natural bodies such as asteroids and meteors were ruled out by observers. When signals were received indicating “no hostile intent” and that a landing was to be made in the Nation’s Capital, there was no doubt intelligent life was aboard. The White House was duly notified.
A meeting of President Barack Obama, VP Joe Biden, the president’s White House staff advisors, National Security Council members and the leadership of both houses of Congress was convened in the White House Situation Room. All eagerly awaited the arrival of the aliens to hear what was on their agenda.
NORAD continued to track the very large alien craft which went into a high orbit over Washington DC, Maryland and Virginia. A smaller craft left the mother ship and headed towards the Washington DC, landing in Lafayette Square near the White House. The Secret Service already had the area sealed off, when two humanoids wearing space suits and breathing apparatus emerged from the craft that looked like a Viper (they didn’t beam down). The Secret Service detail escorted the aliens to the Situation Room.
A closed door meeting lasted about one hour, at which time the aliens were escorted back to their small craft in Lafayette Square by the Secret Service. The craft then returned to the mother ship.
White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest announced to the media that President Obama would make a televised speech live from the Oval Office during prime time at 8:00 PM EST. The president would acquaint the media and the general public with the subject of the meeting. There would be no leaks!
President Obama entered the White House Oval Office at 8:35 PM EST (the 18th hole had gone badly). He began to speak.
Good evening everybody. The two visitors (aliens not politically correct) each of a specific gender, Athena and Apollo, that came to see me today came from a galaxy far far away. Their mission was to apologize for an event that occurred many years ago in the US.
The visitors said that Earth history records that during July 1947 an Unidentified Flying Object (UFO) had crashed at a ranch near Roswell, New Mexico. This event gave rise to allegations that the crash was of an extraterrestrial spaceship with some survivors taken from the wreckage. The US military reported that the crash was a conventional weather balloon, which turned out to be true and not a cover up.
As in most events, there is a shade of grey to the story. My visitors told the meeting attendees that one of their mother ships was traveling near the Solar System and before going to light speed launched an unmanned garbage barge toward your Sun. A computer malfunction caused the garbage barge to hit the weather balloon and crash in Roswell New Mexico.
The visitors said that amongst the garbage resided a “Liberal Virus” that has spread across planet Earth in the last 68 years. Thus, in accordance with their “Prime Directive” they must obliterate this bug and make things “right” again. The visitors could not be talked out of tomorrow’s forthcoming action of spraying the entire planet earth by anyone at the meeting. The visitors activated their full body shields and left.
There you have it, alas till tomorrow. Good night and God bless the United States of America!
President Obama then asked if the mikes were off and headed for his “safe space” in the Oval Office, sobbing!