by Philbert of Macadamia on 14/01/16 at 5:04 am
Washington DC – (satireworld.com)
The Under-Secretary of the US Navy for Procurement and Construction announced that SSN-800, which is currently an unnamed Virginia-class, nuclear powered attack submarine ordered on April 28, 2014 will be named USS Barack Obama. The building shipyard is to be Newport News Shipbuilding, Newport News Virginia. This nuclear attack boat is still many years away from the beginning of actual construction, e.g. keel-laying. “Another black boat (painted black) will join the US Navy’s undersea fleet in about decade.”
The procurement of SSN 800 was abruptly cancelled, not because of the 10 US Navy sailors forcibly detained by Iran and the embarrassment to the US Navy that President Obama had to apologize to Iran, but due to several lawsuits.
Black Lives Matter in conjunction with the NAACP is unhappy that this nuclear attack submarine is referred to as a black boat of the Virginia class and is to be built in Virginia (a slave state). This state also was where the Capital of the Confederacy, Richmond was located. Rumors are circulating that black coffee was to be served aboard and white privilege designating milk as white milk.
A second lawsuit is being brought by a consortium of LBGT organizations, that desire this nuclear attack submarine be painted pink or rainbow colors and have unisex toilets. Unisex toilets are a fact of life on a nuclear attack submarine, as is hot bunking and having US Navy women sailors on board.
The US Navy has had only one WWII Diesel powered attack submarine that was painted pink, USS Sealion (SS-195), commanded by CMDR Cary Grant (USN Ret). SS 195 did use black oil, without any protests occurring!
The Secretary of the Navy has put a hold on the name Barack Obama to avoid further lawsuits, with a suitable alternate name to be determined at a later date. This strategy could bring additional lawsuits by the ACLU.
As of now the US Department of the Interior/US National Park Service has found a suitable white and black stripped lighthouse located near Fort Sumter, South Carolina that could be designated the Barack Obama National Monument!