Obama Proposes to Reduce NOAA’s Budget By $60 Million

by on 13/03/16 at 8:23 am

Bennie the Beaver is so uncannily accurate with guessing things that are about to happen, he can predict which date when a well known asshat will leave his elected office for good.

Bennie the Beaver is so uncannily accurate with guessing things that are about to happen, he can predict which date a well known asshat in Washington will leave his elected office for good.


Punxsutawney PA – (satireworld.com)

President Obama and First Lady Michelle went by Marine One Helicopter to observe Groundhog Day in Pennsylvania. Mingling with the local crowd of observers, the first couple and 10 Secret Service agents gathered at Gobbler’s Knob early the morning of February 2, 2016 awaiting the appearance of Punxsutawney Phil.

When Punxsutawney Phil sleepily emerged from his tree trunk burrow the official judges analyzed and Interpreted Phil’s behavior. They then proclaimed” there is no shadow to be cast, an early spring is forecast!”

After President Obama returned to the White House Oval Office he asked his aides to put together a chart of other Groundhog Days in the US and Canada. The aides were already perplexed that the president travelled to Groundhog Day in Pennsylvania, but wouldn’t attend Supreme Court Judge Scalia’s funeral!

Date Prediction Groundhog Location
2016 Early spring General Beauregard Lee Lilburn, Georgia
2016 6 more weeks of winter Buckeye Chuck Marion, Ohio
2016 6 more weeks of winter Chesapeake Chuck Newport News, VA
2016 Early spring Chuckles Manchester, Conn
2016 6 more weeks of winter Dunkirk Dave Dunkirk, New York
2016 Early spring Jimmy the Groundhog Sun Prairie, Wisconsin
2016 6 more weeks of winter Pierre C. Shadeaux New Iberia, Louisiana
2016 Early spring Punxsutawney Phil Punxsutawney, PA
2016 Early spring Shubenacadie Sam Shubenacadie, N Scotia
2016 Early spring Staten Island Chuck Staten Island, NYC, NY
2016 Early spring Stormy Marmot Aurora, Colorado
2016 Early spring T-Boy the Nutria New Orleans, Louisiana
2016 Early spring Woodstock Willie Woodstock, Illinois

President Obama noticed that the Wikipedia chart indicates nine out of thirteen rodents (70%) predicted an early spring this year. The president also asked for the National Oceanic and Atmosphere Administration’s (NOAA) 2016 budget, which is $6 billion. NOAA’s National Weather Service provides US weather forecasts.

President Obama drafted a letter to Congress proposing a 1% ($60 million) cut to NOAA’s budget for Super Computers. These computers are used for long range weather prediction, but the task can be done cheaper by employing wild rodents. The president also indicated that the $60 million savings would supplement the White House budget for additional lavish vacations for he and Michelle in the last 10 months of his term!

 

 



Leave a Reply