JOHN KERRY DYNAMIC TRIBUTE TRILOGY III: KERRY DECLARES WAR ON LORD XENU (I WAS AGAINST SCIENTOLOGY BEFORE I WAS FOR IT!)

by on 01/04/16 at 11:26 am

We should reject Scientology, it's absolutely batshit crazy! But... Given the crap we spew out 24/7, I'm not sure we can justify such blatant hypocrisy.

We should reject Scientology, it’s absolutely batshit crazy!
But…
Given the crap we spew out 24/7, I’m not sure we can justify such blatant hypocrisy.

The Batshit Avenue Scientology Community People’s Temple – (satireworld.com)

John Kerry is a man of the world, but now his flip-flopping has soared astronomically, to the point where it’s on a genuinely cosmic scale.

Yes: no longer content with threatening the leaders of weak, divided countries in the Middle East with abject destruction, Kerry is turning his achingly dynamic turrets on a higher target:

Lord Xenu!

So, let’s see where we go with this one.

I guess, from one perspective, it’s perfectly true to say that Lord Xenu is an absolutely batshit loony idea dreamed up by a freaking wackjob-catastrophe failed cosmic Popeye wannabe with a fucking idiotic sailor’s hat that belongs on a rejected video-only episode of Ron Jeremy and His┬áCosmic Ass-Riggers! So why should we give a rat’s ass about what these ridiculous kooky-cluster-fuckers even think about us, anyway?

But the other side of this dilemma, which is equally wackadoodle, and of equal crazy-ass power wonk strategically-speculative importance, is that Lord Xenu has been given too much time to talk down to this flashy little Intercosmic Community of mine here in Washington. The illegitimate, undemocratic and worst of all, radically unScientological Xenu regime must vanish from the page of the Astral Wagadoodoo manual. This is utterly non-negotiable.

OK John Boy; but do you actually have a coherent strategy?

Uh-uh-uhhhhhh! Foreign policy auditing can’t just be handed out like candy. Another 4 trillion dollars, and I might just give you a good answer, son?

Or equally, maybe not.

Oo, shit! I’m getting really good at this.

… Uh. Actually I’m not. I’m really not.

I’m going to spare you the rest.



2 Responses to “JOHN KERRY DYNAMIC TRIBUTE TRILOGY III: KERRY DECLARES WAR ON LORD XENU (I WAS AGAINST SCIENTOLOGY BEFORE I WAS FOR IT!)”

  1. Bargis

    Apr 1st, 2016

    awesome

  2. Captain america

    Apr 1st, 2016

    4 Purple Hearts for a frontal lobotomy?

    You go John!

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