King Obama Warns Landlords About Not Renting to Criminals

by on 07/04/16 at 3:19 pm

A perfect crown for the King of Dipshits

A perfect crown for the King of Dipshits

Washington DC – (

It may be discriminatory for landlords to refuse to rent to people with criminal records according to King Obama, even though the Fair Housing Act doesn’t include criminals as a protected class. US Housing and Urban Development (HUD) is twisting facts via circular reasoning for the king to play the race card.

HUD indicates that racial and ethnic disparities in the US criminal justice system are likely to disproportionately burden African-Americans and Hispanics access to housing because of criminal history. HUD has stated that criminal history is not equally distributed across racial groups. For instance, while blacks are about 12 percent of the U.S. population, they are about 36 percent of the prison population. Hispanics are also overrepresented behind bars, though to a much smaller degree.

Thus, landlords must prove to HUD they are not discriminating against minority group criminals or be subject to being heavily fined. A test case involved Mr. Philbert of Macadamia the landlord of a six-plex apartment building in the small town of Pizmo Beach Pennsyltucky.

  • HUD Representative: Knock Knock, I’m here from the government on behalf of King Obama to help resolve your difficulty and avoid paying a very large fine.
  • Mr. Philbert: What difficulty?
  • HUD Representative: According to HUD records you refused to rent an apartment to Tawana the paroled female knife wielding slasher, who has filed a discrimination complaint against you!
  • Mr. Philbert: Yes, I did refuse her a rental apartment!
  • HUD Representative: Why?
  • Mr. Philbert: In Apartment 1; I have an illegal immigrant, Speedy Gonzalez, awaiting deportation by the Department of Homeland Security for running over several people with his car while drunk after sneaking into the USA five times. In Apartment 2; I have Lavon the Vegan who murdered his wife using a leg of lamb. In Apartment 3; I have Achmed the rapist, whose blow up dolls keep him pacified. In Apartment 4; I have Louie the incompetent bank robber, who I pick up at the local bank each evening when he is through casing the building. In Apartment 5; I have Harriet who thinks she’s Mata Hari, a leaker of highly classified US national security data.
  • HUD Representative: So?
  • Mr. Philbert: I have all of the five apartments rented and I live in Apartment 6.
  • HUD Representative: No excuse, there is always room for one more. You must comply with your king’s wishes!
  • Mr. Philbert: Please tell King Obama I will vacate Apartment 6 for him after he is reprimanded by the US Supreme Court for treating us all like his serfs. However, he must also wear one of those electronic tracking ankle bracelets at all times!

Background noise of a door slamming and someone stumbling down the stairs is heard!

One Response to “King Obama Warns Landlords About Not Renting to Criminals”

  1. Philbert of Macadamia

    Apr 8th, 2016

    Do Polar Bears have white privilege?

    Is HUD going to export Black Bears to the Arctic to achieve balance?

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