Republicans and Democrats Agree to the Same Security Measures at their Conventions

by on 02/07/16 at 12:43 pm

MEANWHILE, ON THE TSA SCANNER... "Hey Bill, looks like that guy from Coca-pola is back!

“Hey Bill, looks like another guy tried to hit on Gay Edna over at the refreshment station!”

Washington DC- (

High ranking officials of the Republican National Committee (RNC) met with high ranking officials of the Democratic National Committee (DNC). The meeting was convened to map out a bipartisan strategy that would prevent and deal with violent protesters at their respective presidential nominating conventions. The RNC national convention will be held in Cleveland OH (July 18-21, 2016) and the DNC national convention will be held in Philadelphia PA (July 25-28, 2016).

Other meeting attendees included the Cleveland OH and Philadelphia PA police chiefs and lawyers representing all concerned parties! The clandestine meeting was held in the backroom of an IHOP located in the District of Columbia.

There was total agreement by all present that any actions to be taken only affect those arrested violent protestors after due process hearings. This approach ensures no interference with the First Amendment rights (free speech, association, peaceful protest) of peaceful protestors. A plan conceived to deter any violence by Move, #BLM, the Stop Trump Movement, KKK and Bernie’s socialist buddies etc was outlined by the older members of the group.

When violent protestors were arrested and convicted they would have their choice of 1) spending at least 30 days in the Cleveland or Philadelphia city jails or 2) undergoing two days in their jail cells taking vile tasting laxatives, constantly drinking more vile tasting fluids and the subsequent drippy evacuation of body waste in preparation for a Colonoscopy examination. The latter test would not be given! There was total agreement to this plan, as a pancake lunch was served.

The ACLU somehow got wind of the plan and complained that Colonoscopy preparation was more hell than Water-Boarding! They also indicated that the Eighth Amendment rights (no cruel and unusual punishment) of the accused were being violated. The ACLU filed an emergency brief to the US Supreme Court on June 30, 2016, their last day in regular session.

The eight justices agreed in an 8 to 0 opinion that violent protestors were “a pain in the butt” and if a Colonoscopy was actually performed, cruel and unusual punishment would not apply. However, the justices also stipulated ObamaCare would not pay for the procedure and its cost may be considered as an individual fine for bad behavior!

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