Vegan Cannibals Reported in San Francisco

by on 26/08/16 at 8:27 pm

CAUGHT ON PETA CAM! Fluffy puts up a courageous fight before a PETA member threw him into a Waring blender.

CAUGHT ON PETA CAM!
Fluffy puts up a courageous fight before a PETA member threw him into a Waring blender.

Fluffy was tricked by a Maltese tease

Fluffy was tricked by a Mal-tease

San Francisco CA – (satireworld.com)

A town meeting was held with the San Francisco Board of Supervisors (SFBS) to discuss citizen complaints about coyotes living in the “City by the Bay,” eating small dogs and cats.

A spokeswoman for Citizens against Coyotes (CAC) complained that small pets, dogs and cats (her cat fluffy) and other member’s pets have disappeared. CAC believes that the city’s exploding population of Coyotes is the cause, in the animals search for food. Some human attacks have also been reported. CAC would like the SFBS to look into methods of curbing the coyote population.

A spokesman for Friends of Coyotes (FOC), an animal rights group, said that it’s only natural for a native western USA species to return to its original habitat without human intervention. Coyotes are thriving very nicely in city parks, canyons and greenbelts. CAC members should keep their small dogs, cats and gerbils indoors at night or buy bigger animals as pets. Coyotes in the wild eat flowers, insects, rodents, lizards, rabbits, birds, and snakes, but small dogs, cats and rats will suffice. FOC believes there is no need to curb the coyote population.

The SFBS agreed to look into the matter. However, before the meeting was formally adjourned another speaker representing the San Francisco County Health Board arose. Mrs. Wanda Jones, both a medical doctor and a veterinarian, spoke about seeing a plethora human patients (both sexes) suffering from animal diseases, e.g. from dogs and cats. Further investigation indicated that the sick people were all Vegans needing animal provided proteins (meat). So don’t blame the coyotes!

Mrs. Jones also said the Vegans methods included kidnapping small pets late at night to avoid the embarrassment of going into a supermarket to purchase meat and being seen! A rumor has also been circulating that a Vegan grocery exists in San Francisco that is illegally selling meat.

The SFBS then adjourned the meeting.

The next morning Milk’s “Vegan Shoppe” in the city was raided by the San Francisco Police Department (SFPD) animal control unit. The unit found cats and dogs, harbor seals and a horse in the back room. Additionally, Fluffy was saved, prior to being made into cat sausage!



Leave a Reply