by Bargis on 19/09/16 at 5:55 pm
Manila, Philippines – (SatireWorld.com)
Back pay mathematics is going to be a real tough chore for the Japanese Army paymaster to estimate in the next few months. Especially paychecks for the 134 men who’ve been on continuous combat duty in the mountains of the Philippines since 1944.
Known as, ‘not the brightest army battalion,’ the Imperial Japanese Army’s Cha Poi Battalion has been missing for almost 73 years! All the while the 134 men have been holed up in trenches and caves, deep in the rugged mountains of Mindanao. The Battalion Commander Sgt. Shindoa, age 94, says that they dug in deep for over 74 years patiently waiting for Allied forces to attack so they could annihilate them on the beaches.
The men are in remarkable shape due to a daily routine of exercise and locally grown organic rice and other foods. Weapons and clothing have long since deteriorated away from the humid jungle environs, but local discards and throw always have outfitted the legion in some rather unconventional uniforms. Several men wore pink ‘Hello Kitty’ tee shirts that hung loosely from emaciated shoulders. Two were spotted wearing Mitt Romney campaign caps and tees. Several sported seven-ring Olympic shirts from the 1980’s.
As interpreted through a Japanese official, one Cha Poi veteran claimed they all were just starting to get a little suspicious because they hadn’t heard gunfire in a really long time, then they started noticing automobiles with Japanese names driving on the local roads, and the discarded tee shirts and shorts they were finding had ‘Made in China’ on the labels.
He added, “they were going to give it another two years before they either did a one-last bonsai charge or simply started to marry some of the sheep at a nearby farm.”
The local authorities were alerted to the battalion by a villager who noticed a group of agitated men intently watching an old discarded portable VCR-TV player which was showing a 1950’s Godzilla movie where the sea monster was attacking Tokyo.