White House To Provide Mental Health Counseling For Fans After Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie Split

by on 21/09/16 at 7:16 am

Self-designated Power Couple upon which the fate of humanity is determined.

Self-designated Power Couple upon which the fate of humanity is determined.

Melissa Moore says the news sent her into shock which quickly deteriorated into depression and thoughts of hurting herself.

Melissa Moore says the news sent her into shock which quickly deteriorated into depression and thoughts of hurting herself.

The news hit Brenda Harris so hard she cried for over 36 hours then committed suicide by stuffing tissues up her nose and suffocating before paramedics could revive her causing the White House to quickly act.

The news hit Brenda Harris so hard she cried for over 36 hours then committed suicide by stuffing tissues up her nose and suffocating before paramedics could revive her causing the White House to quickly act.


Hollywood, CA – (satireworld.com)

The planet is shocked — SHOCKED! — at the news Tuesday that Angelina Jolie filed for divorce from Brad Pitt…now comes the usual wave of government help for those snowflakes that require support and safe places in order to recover from the shock and resulting grief.

Angelina Jolie has filed for divorce from Brad Pitt after learning he was cheating on her with his sexy co-star and most others on the set, a well-placed source told The Satireworld on Tuesday.

“She hired a private eye because she felt that he was fooling around with everyone on the set, and it turns out, he was. And that was the final straw from Jolie who claims she’s had sex with Pitt over three times in the last two years,’’ the source said.

Pitt, 52, had been rumored to have been boinking his “Allied’’ co-star Marion Cotillard, 40, for months during the pair’s filming of the World War II drama in London.

The impending divorce of a widely admired “golden” couple after 12 years together, and just two years of marriage, comes after more than a year of multiple Hollywood divorces, including the toxic split just last month of Johnny Depp and Amber Heard after 15 months of marriage which sent many Hollywood fans to seek medical help for media depression and to find immediate Safe Spaces to protect them from what many are calling Media Micro-aggressions.

The White House has promised to provide up to 2,000 trained grief specialists and rush them to metro areas and will provide free counseling at specialty tent Safe Space locations in major metropolitan parks.



One Response to “White House To Provide Mental Health Counseling For Fans After Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie Split”

  1. O'Leg Pee

    Sep 25th, 2016

    Feel sorry for Brad for letting himself be duped by this silly old selfish cow.

    Fully expect mass projectile vomiting pandemic to erupt when her lawsuit details go public.

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