by Bargis Tryhol on 28/09/16 at 8:19 am
Blountstown, Florida – (satireworld.com)
Residents and authorities in in the sleepy panhandle town of Blountstown, Florida, have been on high alert since a resident reported seeing two “creepy clowns” staring at her from across a road as she walked her dog. Calhoun County Sheriff deputies are concerned after it emerged that a Facebook viral video, depicting a clown standing silently on the side of the road in the dark, had been filmed along a main thoroughfare in the area.
According to sheriff Dan Peale, similar sightings have been reported for over three weeks but since most were during late evening hours the department chalked it up to too much drinking and not enough common sense until one stalked a local elementary school this week.
Life-long resident Mable Harris says she’s never seen nothing like it and worries it might try to sneak in while she’s out hanging laundry in her backyard. “By golly, it was the most awful sight! Now, I’ve been to a circus or two in my 67 years, but Satan his self brought that ugly monster to North Lane.”
School officials closed Blountstown Elementary school for two days last week when an orange-haired clown was spotted near the cafeteria’s dumpster.
The Calhoun State District Attorney’s office is not taking the clown threat sitting down, however, and have issued a warning that anyone caught wearing a clown costume and threatening community members will be dealt with harshly. Sid Melville, a Republican candidate for District Attorney blames his opponent Democrat Ted Blair for wearing what he describes as ‘clown clothes,’ referring to Blair’s frequent red trousers and gold sparkly shirts which he openly wears when he’s not operating Sugar Boy Dreams, Calhoun County’s only gay night club.
Impersonating a clown for nefarious purposes, Melville says, is a felony and could carry with it a jail sentence of up to 18 months.
Democratic hopeful, Ted Blair said today that, “scary clowns are no laughing matter!”