by Philbert of Macadamia on 11/10/16 at 5:27 pm
Washington DC: (satireworld.com)
WikiLeaks has released a copy of a draft proposal by the Department of Education to improve the essay writing skills of graduating high school seniors (in their 18th year). The new regulation would apply to all 50 states via a series of practice exams. In order to graduate a similar final exam question must be completed.
The essay consists of a set of generic instructions from which the student must select a provided theme subject, write the essay and fill in all the required unknowns. For example, a set of generic instructions is given below:
1. Unscrew your existing equipment to install the new improved device.
2. For best results, clean your existing equipment before installation. Cleaner pipes allow the new device to better prevent clog formations. After cleaning the equipment, locate, cross member, hole (A) in opening (B).
3. Select screw (C) that best fits hole (A) and screw it in base of device (D).
4. Screw assembled device into equipment opening (B) along with the pre-installed white outer seal
(E). Ensure that device (D) fits snugly into opening (B). Only a snug fit will ensure that undesired materials are captured on the device’s collection grate (place small bead of lubricant on outside edge of the o-ring to aid insertion in opening).
5. Push device up/down 3 to 5 times when flow is impeded by collected material. It is normal to hear and feel hair etc ripping on the first push of the device. If device accumulates too much material at once, unscrew and clean. Replace device every five years or as needed. Equipment manufactured before 1990 may not have hole (A). If your equipment doesn’t have hole (A) employ included adapter.
Choose a subject from the following list of themes:
A. Former President Bill Clinton’s instructions to Monica
B. A Millennial’s guide to sex education (Straight and LGBTQ)
C. Installing a bathtub drain plug
D. Installing sprinkler heads at a golf course
E. Other (choose your own theme)
The student must describe the new device and define (A) through (E), without using any colorful language, in order to achieve a passing grade!