Administration of UC Berkeley Agrees to More Student Safe Spaces

by on 28/10/16 at 7:41 am

UC student Alex Morgan says he'll petition the Administrator to supply free adult diapers too since using public toilets is a micro-aggression.

UC student Alex Morgan says he’ll petition the Administrator to supply free adult diapers too since using public toilets is a micro-aggression.

Berkeley CA – (SatireWorld.com)

Students at the University of California, Berkeley (UC Berkeley) held a protest demanding that the University create both “safe spaces” for transgender students and “spaces of color” for non-white students on campus. A wall of protesters also prevented white students from studying in the Student Union and stopped traffic at the main intersection in the front of campus. The left wing UC Berkeley Administration caved to the protesting students, but instituted a set of new “safe space” safety rules to reduce the effects of any micro-aggressive behavior by others while studying.

  1. A binky (pacifier) will be issued to those students feeling insecure in their allotted safe space. There will not be any red, white, black or blue colors only neutral ecru to reduce cultural appropriation, to maintain gender neutrality and reduce anxiety.
  2. A comfy blanket will be issued to those students feeling very insecure in their allotted safe space. There will not be any red, white, black or blue colors only neutral ecru to reduce cultural appropriation, to maintain gender neutrality and reduce anxiety.
  3. Diapers will be issued to those students feeling very, very insecure in their allotted safe space. There will not be any red, white, black or blue colors only neutral ecru to reduce cultural appropriation, maintain gender neutrality, compensate for a lack of trigger words during a class and reduce anxiety.
  4. Those students feeling very, very, very insecure in their allotted safe space will be sent to a separate holographic basement (or room) resembling the high school hangout in their parent’s home. There will not be any red, white, black or blue colors only neutral ecru to reduce cultural appropriation, maintain gender neutrality, compensate for a lack of trigger words during a class and reduce anxiety. (Provide your resident assistant with an appropriate description of your home basement.)
  5. Those students feeling very, very, very, very insecure in their allotted safe space will be asked to see a UC Berkeley Psychiatrist or sent home!

“They are being quite childish,” declares a Berkeley student watching the protests. “I agree with the right to protest but disrupting the peace of others is not OK.”



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