Noted Satire Writer Cheats Death

by on 23/06/17 at 11:39 am

Scamp the magical Golden Retriever  barked a warning just before the accident

Scamp the magical Golden Retriever barked a warning just before the accident

Mashpee Neck, MA – (

Captain America survives near death experience as Hyannis high speed ferry jumps Hyannis breakwater in attempt to shorten commuter experience

Captain America was witness to the near fatal accident of the large high speed ferry. Future catastrophe was averted, as the ferry, traveling at 36 mph took deadly aim at the infamous Kennedy compound. On board were 46 passengers, 9 Somali crewmen and 3 wait staff. The Somalis, granted green cards by president Obama were employed as crewmen on the ill fated ship.

As of today ISIS have not taken credit for the late night disaster. The accident brought to mind the Costa Concordia mishap by Italian Captain Coward, who had passed extensive review by the Italian review board. Local residents were vocal in expressing concerns that the ferry, like the Concordia, would blight the scenic harbor views of the famous Kennedy compound, thus impacting summer tourism and the 2018 mid term elections in this famously liberal state.

Luckily no one was seriously injured as passengers were air lifted by Coast Guard helicopters and deposited on the rain soaked stones of the breakwater in the wee hours of the dark morning.

Fortunately salvage operations were able to pull the stricken ferry off the rocks and tow it to a nearby repair facility which attempted repairs this morning. Steamship Authority spokesman indicated future trips to Nantucket would be delayed until the gash could be repaired. Large quantities of Silly Putty are being sourced in hopes of effecting repairs so the lucrative summer ferry season can continue. The captain, reportedly dyslexic, was unavailable for comment at this time, nor was Nancy Pelosi, Elizabeth Warren, aka Pocahantis or Rachel Maddow

As one Somali crewman said, a few more feet over the rocks and we all could have been killed. Praise Allah.

From the scene by Captain America….more as we get it

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