Church of Demonic Hillary Holds First Meeting

by on 07/09/17 at 9:33 am

All Hail Hillary!

All Hail Hillary!

Chappaqua NY- (

After losing the 2016 Presidential Election to Republican Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton announced her intentions to become a Clergyman, rather than a Nun. Hillary has established the Church of Demonic Hillary and intends to build a 20,000 seat Mega-Church building (federal tax free) on her property, funded by the new Bill and Hillary Clinton Religion Foundation. The building would be collocated with former President Obama’s HUD Section 8 Housing and Homeless Shelter. (The poor Clinton’s have sold their summer house in “The Hamptons” for $29 million.)

The Chappaqua Town Council did not object to the Mega-Church’s building, but to the lack of adequate parking facilities, as there is not enough space to contain 10,000 cars, either horizontally or vertically, in a Clinton pay-for parking facility. Increased local Sunday traffic was also a consideration for rejection. Hillary still plans to build the facilities, regardless of the Town Council’s rejection!

The initial Prayer Meeting was held in Hillary’s home basement, now that her illegal Home Server for mishandling classified material and covering up the Benghazi Consulate Libya terrorist attack has been removed by the FBI. The parking problem was solved by the fact that all the “limousine liberals” were dropped off at the house’s driveway. The chauffer’s parked in various supermarket parking lots in the surrounding Westchester County towns and waited for summoning cell phone calls.

The invited guest list included: Ex-President Barack Obama and Michelle; Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-CA); Rep. Maxine Waters (D-CA); DNC Chairs Tom Perez and Keith Ellison; Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY); Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA); Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT); former DNC Chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz; former SOS John Kerry; former AGs Eric Holder and Loretta Lynch; Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson; and other notorious left-wing Democrats. (Former VP Al Gore was caught in a snow storm in Miami FL and couldn’t attend.)

After everyone was seated in the makeshift Sanctuary, the Vestal Virgin Chorus began to sing quietly and Deacon Bill Clinton, dressed in a yellow suit, red tie and with a red carnation in his lapel came to the microphone to introduce Reverend Clinton.

Reverend Clinton then entered wearing a Candy Apple Red Pantsuit with black trim and black stilettos by “Prada!” There was a smattering of applause and the reverend began enunciating the first principles of her Church’s underpinnings, followed by today’s short Sermon.

First Principles:

  1. You shall have no other ideology then Marxism.
  2. You shall not make any crooked deals unless you lie about them.
  3. You shall not use Sol Alinsky’s name in vain.
  4. Remember to keep your lawyers phone number on speed dial.
  5. Honor your father, mother and your lawyer.
  6. You shall not commit murder unless it is absolutely necessary.
  7. You shall not commit adultery without your spouse’s permission.
  8. You shall not steal unless you can get away with it.
  9. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor unless he/she is a Republican.
  10. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife or belongings unless you can get away with it.

Today’s Sermon: Do unto others before they do it unto you!


Reverend Clinton then announced that before leaving Deaconess Chelsea, dressed in purple robes, will be passing the gold, diamond and emerald studded collection plate. A minimum donation to the Bill and Hillary Clinton Religion Foundation of $1,000 is expected! See you all next week!

Mutterings of the congregants were overheard on the way out, as to whether they could just mail in a check to Reverend Clinton for $1,000 every Sunday and avoid all the travel, especially the New York traffic congestion!

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