‘King of Pop’ Michael Jackson’s Autopsy Results Finally Released

by on 25/07/18 at 3:46 pm

Michael would spent hours every morning picking out just the right nose to wear. Michael was part-owner of the Mister Potatohead Prosthetic Company in nearby Burbank

Michael would spent hours every morning picking out just the right nose to wear. Michael was part-owner of the Mister Potatohead Prosthetic Company in nearby Burbank


Los Angeles, CA – (SatireWorld.com)

Dr. Rami Gushinari finally released to the public the official 25 page LA Coroner’s report on Michael Jackson. The ‘King of Pop’ died from a drug overdose and was laid to rest in Woodlawn Cemetery for the Elite and Pompous more than 10 years ago.

A portion of the autopsy claims….“Mr. Jackson, age 50, race sorta negro, expired June 25th, 2009 from a physical ailment known as ‘non-descending testicles.’ Upon a sectioned autopsy, we found Mr. Jackson’s nuts wrapped around his vocal cords.”

Family elder Joe Jackson agreed with the results. Lamenting that he once kicked little Michael so hard in his little balls, Michael’s voice from then on always sounded like ‘a little girls.’

Other celebrities have come forth since the untimely death of the superstar and have confirmed the King of Pop’s lack of a full nut sack.

“He always wore a jockstrap on the outside of his pants during performances which always looked kinda empty like plastic grocery bag with nothing in it,” claimed the late Liz Taylor, an old silver screen hag who’s lake of common sense was only dwarfed by her personal choice in having 47 ex-husbands.

Ex-wife Lisa Marie went as far as explaining intimate details of their short marriage.

‘I never saw his testicles, but I did notice his throat would get two lumps and his tongue would swell and stick out when he was really excited.’

Doctors have explained the cause of Jackson’s falsetto voice style and blamed it squarely on his testicles being non-descended and lodged in his throat.

As dance director Ginger Longress described, “Look, do you really think a man could dance like that with two gonads dangling between his legs?”

The folks over a Silver Screen Memorial Home said they took care of the ‘nut-less’ situation when preparing Michael for the funeral. “We used two golf balls, a Dunlap to be exact, and it filled in the void nicely.”



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