2019 Dancing With The Stars To Feature All Plus Size Contestants

by on 08/09/18 at 8:37 pm

Edna, Molly, Kate, and  Bertie, all single and ready to mingle traveled to L.A. from Las Cruces New Mexico for the casting call.

(left to right) Sisters Edna, Molly, Kate, and Bertie, all single and ready to mingle, traveled to L.A. by bus from Las Cruces New Mexico for the casting call. Jennifer (Katie’s sister) departed earlier by car.

Driving straight through and only eating fast food burgers and donuts, caused a serious situation in Los Angeles when  S became stuck in her Smart car and required assistance from the LAFD.

Driving straight through and only eating fast food burgers and donuts while driving, plus forgoing potty breaks, placed Jennifer in a very serious situation.

Arriving in Los Angeles late for the casting call a frantic Jennifer became ‘stuck’ in her Smart car and required assistance from the LAFD.


Los Angeles, CA – (satireworld.com)

Network officials and show producers have announced that the 2019 season of “Dancing With The Stars” will feature nothing but “big” contestants.  The “big,” however, is not what you would normally thing of as “big Hollywood stars.”  All of next year’s contestants will be plus sized.

“Sure,” said one of the announcers, “we wanted to broaden our viewership (in more ways than one.  We think that a lot of people want the contestants to look like them.  As usual, we will try to find famous people from all walks of life.”

Contestants announced thus far include:

  • William “the Refrigerator” Perry (former NFL lineman who was famous for being the heaviest person ever to score a touchdown, even though he got winded after only running three yards for the score)
  • The four formerly young women from “The Facts of Life” (sometimes called derisively “The Fats of Life” by 80’s teenage males as none of the cast was attractive… except to chubby chasers)
  • Rosie O’Donnell (how can you have a contest like this without her?)
  • Louie Anderson (how can you have a contest like this without him?)
  • Oprah Winfrey (but only if she is in one of her yoyo-ing fat phases then)
  • LuLu Roman (best remembered as LuLu from Hee Haw… who was probably bigger than the back 40!)
  • Kevin James (mostly since his recent unfunny comedy series got cancelled)
  • Kathie Bates (watch out for attacks by the former Misery star is she is voted off early)
  • Charles Barkley (yes, he was once called The Round Mound of Rebound)
  • Kirstie Alley (she has been told that she can’t advertise weight watcher products, as they didn’t work)
  • Chris Christie (what would the show be without at least one corrupt politician?)
  • Ruben Studdard (he already won American Idol, so why not a second reality series?)
  • Gaby Sidibe (the actress who got famous just because she was enormous)

Bargis Tryhol, 800 pound editor of SatireWorld, was not invited to be a contestant.  Producers said that it was because he refuses to wear pants.

When told about the plans for the series, several of the professional dancers got politically incorrect and asked questions such as:

  • are they going to step on our feet?
  • do we have to do lifts?
  • will I ever be seen on camera?
  • what if they eat all of the snacks in the green room?
  • how could you ever consider any of them a winner?
  • won’t audiences try to push them back into the ocean?
  • won’t we wear ourselves out just trying to dance around them?
  • do they make leotards that big?

The 2019 series is expected to premiere the Sunday after the Super Bowl.



2 Responses to “2019 Dancing With The Stars To Feature All Plus Size Contestants”

  1. Jalapenoman

    Sep 8th, 2018

    What’s the difference between a 2019 DWTS contestant and a police car? It takes two police cars to block an alley!

  2. Bargis

    Sep 9th, 2018

    Yes indeed….I refuse to wear pants!

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