Emergency Room Admissions To Soar On Trump’s FEMA Text Alert Trial

by on 17/09/18 at 4:49 pm

Verizon technicians use a remote drone in planter to test Vib & Ring functions on the new Verizon 2000 cell phone by Apple.

Verizon technicians use a remote drone in planter to test Vib & Ring functions on the new Verizon 2000 cell phone by Apple.

Several UK footballers disrupted a game when the opposing team's Vib & Ring feature went off during the final 2 minutes.

Several UK footballers disrupted a game when the opposing team’s Vib & Ring feature went off during the final 2 minutes.

New York, NY – (SatireWorld.com)

Thursday’s debut of the Presidential Alert of the National Wireless Emergency Alert System hit a bum note today with proctologists warning of ‘potentially dire consequences’ as telecoms providers promised to crank up cell phone tones and vibration functions ahead of the anticipated trial.

“Rectal surgery has only just caught up with the all-powerful new vibrating Bum-phone,” Professor of Experimental Proctology Dr. Einstein Laparoscope told SatireWorld reporters in an interview about possible side effects of the President’s planned FEMA mass cell phone text alert roll-out.

“We’re kinda hoping the Alert doesn’t blow up in the White House’s face,” Laparoscope added as he explained how new emergency collapsed-colon repair techniques are only just coping with demand for retrieval procedures.

Doctors have long blamed the spread of cheap Japanese technology for spawning the craze that permanently sets vibrate mode on default before handsets are inserted into the human cavity.

And allowed to ring for indefinite periods.

Turdsday’s 9am roll-out is bound to be a gas.



3 Responses to “Emergency Room Admissions To Soar On Trump’s FEMA Text Alert Trial”

  1. Oleg P

    Sep 17th, 2018

    Sore alright. And that Brit footballer certainly looks a lot like Thierry Henri. Maybe David Beckham.

  2. Bargis

    Sep 17th, 2018

    I hope they’re not flip phones! One sneeze and it’s all over!

    • Oleg P

      Sep 18th, 2018

      Flip phone? Like the one Paul Manafort uses with its ‘They Call Him Flipper, Flipper, Faster Than Lightning; No One You See Is Smarter Than He,’ ring tone…..

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