Colorado Civil Rights Commission is Harassing Local Businesses Again

by on 25/09/18 at 7:59 am

Britisher  Martin Shuttlecock filed a complaint detailing  his condition of being both human and a vending machine. Shuttlecock feels he was discriminated against by several firms he sought employment  as an outside salesperson.

Britisher Martin Shuttlecock filed a complaint with the CCRC detailing his condition of being both part human and a sexual vending machine. Shuttlecock feels he was discriminated against by several firms he sought employment with as an outside salesperson.

Writer Philbert Macadamia admits he's actually a raging sex machine but finds many times he's discriminated against too because he wears just glasses and leopard loin cloths in public.

Writer Philbert Macadamia admits he’s actually a raging sex machine but finds many times he’s discriminated against too because he wears just glasses and leopard loin cloths in public.


Denver CO – (satireworld.com)

Jack Phillips, owner of the Masterpiece Cakeshop in suburban Denver, refused to make a wedding cake for a gay couple on religious grounds and was cited by the Colorado Civil Rights Commission (CCRC) for Gay discrimination. The Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS) upheld Mr. Phillips refusal. He has now sued the State of Colorado in federal court, over further harassment by the CCRC for his refusal to bake a cake celebrating a gender transition.

Meanwhile down the street from the Masterpiece Cakeshop is Barney’s Beef Bistro, famous for their Colorado prime beef steaks and Seattle Washington crab legs. Barney Cromwell the owner has been cited by the CCRC for Transgender discrimination. He refused service for health concerns to a mixed couple Jack Centaur and Ariel Mermaid, who claim they are Transspecies (part human and animal).

The CCRC levied hefty fines per day on the bistro and said that Barney needed to install separate restroom facilities for Transspecies Jack and Ariel. Crowds began to congregate outside Barney’s Beef Bistro, both protestors and supporting lunch patrons.

  • LGBTQ picketers in ribald costumes showed up outside the bistro, claiming that Jack and Ariel’s rights were protected by the Q. What about female Centaurs, male Mermaids and other LGBTQ variations they shouted?
  • Federal tax cheat Al Sharpton and his band of racists showed up outside the bistro with signs asking, where are the Black Centaurs and Black Mermaids?
  • PETA members and several Vegans showed up with signs decrying eating meat or Baltimore/Seattle Crabs.
  • The bistro’s business has increased because of the free media publicity.

Barney contacted his lawyer who cited health codes in Colorado that do not allow dogs in restaurants, except for service dogs/animals. Horses and fish are only allowed, if these foods are listed on the menu.

Barney’s lawyer then contacted the Colorado Department of Public Health and the Environment (CDPHE). The CDPHE convinced a federal judge to issue a temporary injunction against CCRC enforcement, until a determination is made that Jack Centaur and Ariel Mermaid were house/restaurant broken. A court hearing will be held, but anticipation is that Barney’s Beef Bistro is safe for awhile until SCOTUS gets the case!

Authors Notes:
1. A centaur is a Greek mythological creature with the upper body of a human and the lower body of a horse.

2. The Little Mermaid Ariel is originally a story by Hans Christian Andersen. The Walt Disney Company made an animated version in 1989.



2 Responses to “Colorado Civil Rights Commission is Harassing Local Businesses Again”

  1. Bargis

    Sep 25th, 2018

    Leopard loin cloth? Really?

  2. Philbert of Macadamia

    Sep 25th, 2018

    Phil can’t come to the computer right now, please leave your email address and a short message, we will get back to you..

    Agile 95 year old Phil suffered a sprained ankle jumping out the 40th floor window of a high rise condominium, while being chased by the jealous boyfriend of a 35 year old gorgeous woman!

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