LGBTQ To Found Own Version of Cub Scouts Called Rump Rangers

by on 28/09/18 at 1:15 pm

Top achievers can earn the coveted Asshole Merit Badge along with  Easy-Breathe

Top achievers can earn the coveted Asshole Merit Badge along with a years supply of Breath-right nasal strips for the ultimate pleaser in blowjob giving.

Spokane, WA – (

Following the tradition of youth groups such as the Boy Scouts, the Girl Scouts, the Junior Birdmen, and the Campfire Girls, the national LGBTQ organization has announced that they will found their own version of the Cub Scouts and Brownies for both boys and girls.  The new group will be called the Rump Rangers of the United World (as opposed to The Boy Scouts of America).  Applications for forming local “Clubs” will be accepted beginning November 1st.

McDonald’s, the world’s largest contributor to the LGBTQ movement (which buys them two seats on their board of directors) will host some public club meetings on a monthly basis, but most meetings will be held in homes of members.  Frito-Lay has promised a free bag of their celebratory rainbow colored chips to all children who sign up before December 31st.  California, which regularly denounces the Boy and Girl Scout programs, has wholeheartedly endorsed this new organization.

Boys, girls, and those who identify as either or neither gender (as it is not important) will be led by a “Fun Uncle” (instead of a cub master or troop leader).  The Fun Uncle must be background checked by the national organization to make sure that he is a card carrying LGBTQ member and is not a Republican, Christian, or Straight Heterosexual.  The Fun Uncle will involve other friends, to be called “Club Cousins” in the education and training of the members.  Farm animals may be involved in clubs where they are available.

The oath of the Rump Rangers will be:

“I promise to enjoy my body and allow others to do so.  I promise to keep all activities of my Club secret from my parents, school teachers, law enforcement, and clergy.  I promise to always be politically correct and obey the tenets of the Democratic Party.  I promise to always be open to trying new experiences with others.”

While the scout motto is “Do a good turn daily,” the Ranger motto will be “Do a requested turn over daily.”

All Rangers will be expected to participate and learn in meetings, with assistance being given by older boys and girls (and those of unspecified gender) to the younger ones of their choice.

Instead of raising money through cookie and popcorn sales (like the Girl Scouts or Boy Scouts), this group has said that they will obtain funds by selling fudge (with and without nuts)… but that the chocolate confectionery treat will not be involved.

Uniforms will be available for purchase at all Target stores.  Boys and girls will wear a matching skirt and split crotch panties.  The skirts and panties will both be blue, to symbolize the importance of blue state.  Shirts/blouses will be pink, to show the importance of having both masculine and feminine characteristics in your life and in your clothing.  Middle Eastern clubs will be permitted to wear a special hajib as part of the uniform.

It is anticipated that many Moslem/Muslim clerics will volunteer to lead and direct the activities of clubs throughout the Middle East and Europe as the organizational announcement created positive buzz in that part of the world.

Calls against the forming of this organization by Christians, Jews, and Conservatives were met with scorn and derision by the much better informed and more politically correct Liberal Democrats (and other perverts).

Anthony Weiner and Jared Fogle were both asked to be the National Chair of the organization, but both had to decline due to incarceration on charges of child pornography and lewd behavior with minors.

In a related story, scientists in Kenya reported a seismic disturbance in the area of the gravesite of Lord Robert Baden-Powell, founder of the Boy Scouts and Girl Guides.

2 Responses to “LGBTQ To Found Own Version of Cub Scouts Called Rump Rangers”

  1. Jalapenoman

    Sep 30th, 2018

    I think Lowton would try to join as a scout, not a leader! Get that fudge packed, Markie!

  2. O’Leg P

    Sep 30th, 2018

    Trump’s Judge Snowflake would have been little more than a jobbing magistrate without the patronage of Bush43’s AG Alberto Gonzales – the GOP chump who said waterboarding is legal.

Leave a Reply