Los Angeles Police Arrest Entire California Kindergarten For Having Straws in their Juice Boxes

by on 01/10/18 at 8:30 am

Little Dookey Ramirez hadn't seen as many AK-47's as when the LAPD showed up as he was inserting his straw into his carton of  Yoo Hoo.

Little Dookey Ramirez hadn’t seen as many AK-47’s as when the LAPD showed up at his school just as he was inserting his straw into his carton of Yoo Hoo.

Los Angeles, CA – (satireworld.com)

The kindergarten classes at Che Guevara Elementary School (formerly Ronald Reagan Elementary School) in Los Angeles, California was arrested, along with their teacher, as each child had a plastic straw in their juice box at lunch time.  The juice boxes, brought from home and purchased by their parents, were from Minute Maid, Hi-C, Juicy Juice, Capri Sun, and several other companies.

The children were held at gunpoint by arresting officers until enough small sized handcuffs could be found to subdue all 146 boys and girls.  They were then transported in Saul Alinsky (formerly Los Angeles) Public School District buses to the city jail for processing and arrest (to include body cavity searches for contraband substances such as additional straws or illegal drugs).

Possession and use of a plastic straw is now a third degree felony under California state law and is punishable by a fine of 20,000 rubles and up to 20 years in a state prison (such as George Soros State Penitentiary, formerly San Quentin).  The children will be held without bail, due to their flight risk and the severity of their crime, until they can be tried at the Karl Marx (formerly Abraham Lincoln) Courthouse in Los Angeles.

Four year old felon Bobby Simmons was quoted as saying “I want my mommy.”  Most other children echoed the same sentiments.  Four raised their hands and asked to go peepee during interrogation.

The children were fed a lunch of bread and water (without the crusts cut off, which caused several not to eat) before being taken to the prison yard to “bust rocks.”  Afterwards, they were to be sent to the Vladimir Lenin Reeducation Center for intense training and indoctrination/programming in political correctness.

After their work and studies, some children asked for Otter Pops (a traditional snack provided by their parents and teachers).  As Otter Pops, when sucked empty, can double as plastic straws, these children were placed into solitary confinement (an extended time out) to contemplate the error of their ways.

The trial is expected to take place in August of 2019, beginning after the celebration of Barack Obama Day.

Parents of the arrested children are also under investigation as accomplices to the crimes of possession and use of plastic straws, and they did purchase and send the juice boxes to school with the criminals.  They will be taken for questioning at the Julio Cesar Chavez center (formerly L.A.P.D. headquarters).

Governor Jerry Brown took credit for the arrest by saying that he is “getting tough on crime” and getting the criminals off of the street (which he hopes will help him buy the next election).

As all of the arrested children were white, Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton, along with the ACLU, approved the actions.  California’s Trio of Terror (Pelosi, Waters, and Feinstein) also supported the arrests and “throwing the book” at the juvenile criminals.  Waters even wants them “tried as adults.”

2 Responses to “Los Angeles Police Arrest Entire California Kindergarten For Having Straws in their Juice Boxes”

  1. Philbert of Macadamia

    Oct 2nd, 2018

    Another good one Jman!

    Democrap liberal Governor Jerry “Moonbeam” Brown was a flake in the mid-1970s, when I Iived in California and still is!

  2. Jalapenoman

    Oct 2nd, 2018

    Thanks again! If he was a flake almost 50 years ago, is anything left more than a crumb now?

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