Throckmorton P. Turdblossom: “The Country Boy Advice Column”

by on 01/10/18 at 8:30 am


Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom,

I understand about you and your wife and people growing apart. I do want to know if you still communicate with her and what she thinks about your living “biblically” with a bunch of Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders.


Ronald T. Olson

Kansas City, Missouri

P.S. If you need an assistant, I am more than willing and can start practicing with my razor too!

Dear Ronald,

If’n the old pecker starts to poop out, I’ll put you on the list to give you a call. Right now, you are about number 600 and I’ve got about 500 more emails and another box of letters to read (but every guy is requesting the same thing).

It seems that everyone, everywhere, wants to make it with a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader, even if they cheer for some stupid team like the Redskins or the 69’ers. I’ve even gotten letters from some lesbos wanting to take my place.

All I gotta say is that I don’t need to take Viagra anymore and, if I start to weaken, that is my emergency backup plan.

As far as my ex-wife is concerned… I saw her at one of the grand-kid’s weddings a few months back. She was hanging all over Ralph Humphrey, who is retired and used to own the junkyard. She was bragging about how he was able to make her feel like a woman, but I happen to know that Ralph lost “johnny and the twins” back in the Korean War. He ain’t packing, as they say. It was just her way of trying to make me jealous.

She also asked, the only time she spoke to me, if I was enjoying my little girls in their training bras.

I told her that my ladies were firm and upright enough not to need bras to hold up their titties and that, unlike her, they didn’t need a forklift to raise their sagging boobs into a bra.

That’s how she feels and thinks about my relationship.


Today’s Observation from Throckmorton P. Turdblossom: When I was a younger man, the only time a woman ever shaved herself was the greatest thing since the start of the sexual revolution.

P.S. From Throckmorton P. Turdblossom: To the Moslem/Muslim guy who wants to know if there are any Islamic Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders and if they wear hajibs… you gotta be shitting me! These girls barely cover up their goodies in their uniforms, so why would they cover up everything? Just stick with the sheep like the rest of your people.

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