C.D.C. Commissions Study On Effects Of Drinking From Toilets On Dogs

by on 04/10/18 at 9:19 am

Rowdy actually prefers the toilet to his bowl because the water is cooler and cleaner except after when his master drops a deuce!

Rowdy actually prefers the toilet to his bowl because the water is cooler and cleaner except after his master adds a deuce!

Atlanta, GA – (satireworld.com)

The Centers for Disease Control (C.D.C.) has contributed two billion dollars to Georgia Tech University to study the effects of drinking from a toilet on dogs.  The research, to be conducted with several breeds of dogs over five years and in multiple locations, will examine the physical health of the canines, as long as any mental or emotional effects that they might receive.  The World Health Organization (W.H.O.) has announced that they are going to match the funding and assist in the research with their own team of doctors.

One U.N. official was quick to say that the study would not be done in Iran or Iraq as “I’m pretty sure that the local researcher would try to mount the dog when it came up and bent its head over to drink from the bowl… and I also doubt that most of them even know what indoor plumbing is or how to even flush.”

From Washington, President Donald Trump exploded when told of the study.  “Are you shitting me?  We are paying billions to find out what happens to dogs who drink from a toilet and how it effects them?  My dog licks his nuts on a daily basis.  He sniffs the ass of other dogs.  He eats cat crap from the litter box.  He eats the crotch out of people’s underwear from the dirty clothes hamper.  We’re going to find out how drinking water with a little bit of piss changes him mentally and physically and emotionally?  It doesn’t!  There’s your answer.  He might be a little ticked off if he finds the seat down, but dogs never have any problem drinking from the punch bowl.”

“I hope our taxpayers aren’t having to pay for this stupidity.”

“Of course, since I said it was stupid, all of the brain-dead democrats are going to come out in favor of the research.  Why don’t we fund a study to see what happens when Nancy Pelosi, Dianne Feinstein, or Maxine Waters (California’s Trio of Terror) drink from the toilet?  I’d buy tickets to watch that.”

One Georgia Tech student, Davis Monahan, said that “This does sound like a waste of money, but it will help support our football team and may help us win championship.  I think that they are going to find that toilet water might even be fresher and cleaner for dogs than that bowl in the corner, which sits there for days and has all kinds of bugs and everything else fall in it and which probably has some kind of mold or bacteria growing in it.  I mean, most people just top off the water and don’t clean their dog’s dish that often, but they scrub their toilets weekly and flush then a dozen or more times a day.”

“This whole thing may be silly, but, when it comes to science and knowledge… inquiring minds want to know!”

2 Responses to “C.D.C. Commissions Study On Effects Of Drinking From Toilets On Dogs”

  1. Philbert of Macadamia

    Oct 4th, 2018

    Another good one Jman!

    The reader may replace “dogs drinking from toilet bowls” with “shrimp running on tread mills” or whatever favorite waste of US taxpayer dollars pisses him or her off the most!

  2. Bargis

    Oct 5th, 2018

    Well, PoM….maybe they wanted a winner in the 2020 Shrimp Olympics!

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