The Value of the Name in Politics: A Satireworld Editorial

by on 09/10/18 at 8:29 am

More voters arriving daily.

More voters arriving daily.


I grew up on the United States-Mexico border in El Paso, Texas.  I’m also a white guy… 100%.  My dad’s family comes from England and my mom’s is from England on one side and Italy on the other.  Before England and Italy, I don’t know where they are from (and I am too cheap to take the DNA test they offer on TV for $69.99).

Growing up in El Paso, a lot of the voting went along racial lines.  You see, the city was (when I was a kid) about 2/3 Hispanic (that percentage is large now).  A lot of the Hispanics, however, didn’t vote or voted straight party.  So if the Democrat was white, he might win (as most Hispanics in El Paso voted Democrat due to the influence of a family named Telles… but more on them later).  City elections, however, were done based on simple majority and parties were not supposed to have anything to do with it.  Everyone that got in the required signatures on their petitions and paid the registration fee got put on one ballot.  As this generally was eight to ten people, we had a lot of runoff elections.

If a woman was running for office, and her name was Susan Johnson, she probably wouldn’t get a lot of votes because she appeared to have a white name.  If the woman was Hispanic, however, she would include her maiden name and any Latin flavored version of her first name to try to get the Hispanic vote.  That same Susan Johnson, who had been called Susan all of her life, would suddenly become Susanna Hernandez-Johnson.  This would immediately tell all of the voters that she was truly of Hispanic roots and help her with that segment of the votes (even if “Susanna” couldn’t speak Spanish, was less than 1/4 Hispanic, and had blond hair and blue eyes).

I saw dozens of women do this over the years and dozens of women get elected because of it.

That idea has apparently now spread to New Mexico.  Xochitl Torres Small is running for Congress against an Anglo woman.  While Xochitl Small may not get a big piece of the vote, making her a Torres adds weight to her campaign.

Robert O’Rourke has apparently decided to do the same thing as a man in Texas, but he is going about it a different way.  He is calling himself “Beto” O’Rourke (Beto is the Hispanic nickname for Robert, or Roberto).  Will this name change help him win the election over Ted Cruz (a man with real Hispanic roots?).  O’Rourke is the son of a long time crooked El Paso Democrat politician, so he does have that power base behind his campaign.  He was also given that politician’s family “get out of jail free” card as a youth and avoided DWI imprisonment (a matter of public record that Daddy has not been able to fully bury).

To answer why El Paso Hispanics traditionally vote Democrat?  There used to be a multi-generational political machine in El Paso run by the Telles family.  One was mayor of El Paso and later United States Ambassador to Mexico (a present from JFK for delivering the city’s vote).  He used to rent up every possible bus in town (school, Greyhound, Trailways, etc.) on election day and fill them with beer.  These buses would drive through the barrio, fill the bus with adults, give them a few drinks, hand them a paper telling them which way they should vote, and drop them off at the nearest polling place.  While they were voting, the bus would go and pick up and bring in another group of voters.  Buses ran all day and several people voted several times at several precincts.  Was it illegal?  Hell yes!  Did the Telles Political Machine get away with it for years?  Hell Yes!  Did a Las Vegas union do the same thing a few years ago to keep Harry Reid in power in Nevada and get away with it?  Hell yes!

When I look at the name of a candidate and see that they are pandering to attempt to get a segment of the vote, based on a name that isn’t really the one they use, I never vote for them!  This includes Elizabeth “Pocahontas” Warren, who suddenly became an American Indian to get the vote when campaigning on a small reservation (turns out she may actually be 1/16th Native American, but that doesn’t really count in anybody’s mind).  It also doesn’t work for me for people who try to claim military service (like Senator/Governor Richard Blumenthal, who said he served in Vietnam… but didn’t).  I even stretch this to include former Governor and Senator Bill Richardson, who claimed to play major league baseball (he didn’t).  There’s also Al Gore, who says that he invented the Internet (but then, would I be sitting here typing this on line if he hadn’t?).  I’ll even include people who say that they didn’t do something, but did (does anyone really believe that Bill Clinton smoked marijuana… but didn’t inhale?).

What it all boils down to is…. don’t expect honesty from most politicians and dig to find out the real truth.  William Shakespeare said it best when he asked “What’s in a name?”





One Response to “The Value of the Name in Politics: A Satireworld Editorial”

  1. Jalapenoman

    Oct 9th, 2018

    “That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet” but that which we call a turd by any other name still smells like a turd, And there are a lot of turds in politics!

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