Arkansas City Posts Bid To Host 2032 Summer Olympic Games

by on 17/10/18 at 9:17 am

Camel Toe residents Bubba Lance (r) and Merle Twiits say they'll capitolize on visitors by running and self-staffing an all male escort service to help young attractive European visits enjoy the benefits of the rural  Arkansas lifestyle.

Camel Toe Ridge residents Bubba Lance (r) and Merle Twits say they’ll capitalize on foreign visitors by running and self-staffing an all male escort service to help young attractive European women visiting enjoy the benefits of the rural Arkansas lifestyle.

Camel Toe Ridge, Arkansas – (satireworld.com)

Camel Toe Ridge, Arkansas, the county seat of Snatch County, has submitted a bid to the International Olympic Committee to host the 2032 Summer Games.  The town joins other bids from cities like Sydney (Australia), Buenos Aires (Argentina), St. Petersburg (Russia), and Brussels, Belgium.

Town mayoral elect Farley Dickerson said that “we know we only got an outside shot because Los Angeles is hosting in 2028 and they usually don’t go to the same country four years later, but california is pretty much a foreign country anyways, so we decided to give it a try.  Folks here are really excited about this and there is talk of sprucing up the grandstand at the football stadium now to show them Committee people that we are serious.”

When asked how they would improve their stadium, Dickerson was quick to reply that “I wouldn’t call it a stadium cuz it just a set of bleachers on one side of the field.  It’ll fit maybe a hundred, unless you’ve got some fatties like Hattie Hornbuck and the Thompson brothers, then everyone else is scared to sit on ’em and just sits on blankets or lawn chairs around the field.”

“We was talking about giving them a new coat of paint and maybe using some 2 x 4’s to brace up where Hattie and the Thompsons usually sit.  We also plan on fixing that handrail on the north side where we just wrapped a role of duct tape around the cracked pipe a few years ago.  Leroy from the county road crew said that he’d also use their pressure washer to clean off the light poles and the guys at the volunteer fire department said that they could replace the broken lights after the poles got cleaned.”

“If we got any leftover paint, we’ll use it on the water tower to take off the names of the girls from last year’s senior class.  They’re already knocked up anyways and no one wants their numbers.”

When asked about other facilities that might be available, Louelle Grant (president of the Quilting Society and chairman of the local Democratic Party) said that “if we pull all the rusty trucks out of the lake, we can use that for all the rowing competitions.  They got those outdoors basketball hoops at the school, but they probably would want fancy nets instead of the chains on ’em.  We could use the high school gym for the gymnastics, but we’d probably have to patch in the holes where the boys peek into the girl’s locker room cuz it might make them foreign girls nervous to show off their titties and such.  On second thought, we could always do the gymnastics on that fancy jungle gym down at the pre-school.”

“The fishin’ hole could double for the diving and the swimming, but someone would have to convince Marvin and Eunice Treehouse not to go skinny dippin’ every morning.  Of course, they are in their 80’s, so they will probably be dead before 2032.”

Sheriff Fife said that his department “is ready to provide security for all them folks what would come into town for this.  I got my bullet ready in my shirt pocket and might even put a second on in the other pocket for emergency backup.  If there was any problem, I’d just nip it in the bud!”

On the question of where the athletes, judges, and fans would be house, Emily Dickerson (wife of Farley) quickly answered that “there’s lots of places for camping around the lake, and we’ve got that spare room, and some folks could stay at the Motel Six down on the highway because they leave the light on for ya.  Someone could also stay at Wanda June’s, but they’d probably have to help with chores and be real quiet cuz she hates people disturbing her chickens when they are laying.  Beulah and Bertha Grant could probably also take a few folks, but you’d have to double up and remember that their dog Rufus claims the couch and does have that really bad farting problem.”

When asked how much money they were investing into their campaign to land the Olympics, Mayor Elect Farley said that “We got $62 in the town budget right now, but the Reverend promised to give us half of what he gets on next week’s collection plate and Lacey Herbstreet said that we could have whatever money she gets on her bake sale (above expenses).  She does make the best pot laced brownies in the county and they usually fetch a bunch of interested buyers from out of town.”

More news will appear on the Camel Toe Ridge Olympic bid as it becomes available.



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