Ayatollah Demands United States Celebrate and Honor Muslim Holiday

by on 03/11/18 at 12:59 pm

The Ayatollah Buttahola stirs up the crowds as a semi-truck delivers lunch and flyswatters.

The Ayatollah Buttahola stirs up the crowds as a semi-truck delivers lunch and 15,000 flyswatters.

An Iranian delicacy served warm and ripe.

An Iranian delicacy served warm and ripe.

Bill Hanson, Mel Fritz, and Alex Weston attempt to contribute to the pile outside the meeting tent.

Bill Hanson, Mel Fritz, and Alex Weston attempt to contribute to the pile outside the meeting tent.


Tehran,Iran –

The Ayatollah Smella Buttholla has demanded that the United States being celebrating a Moslem/Muslim holiday.  “You are supposed to recognize the separation of church and state, but you celebrate Christmas and Easter and note Hanukkah and Kwanzaa (which was made up by a bunch of racists twenty years ago).  Why shouldn’t your country celebrate an Islamic holiday?  Why can’t you show respect for our religion, which is the fastest growing church in America and Europe?  We are victims of discrimination!  Where is your vaunted and holy concept of political correctness?  We demand respect and recognition!”

When asked if he thought that Eid or Ramadan should be the selected holiday, Buttholla responded by saying that “No, we want a different holiday at a different time of year to be noted in the United States.  You really don’t have a holiday that you celebrate in August.  From your 4th of July until Labor Day in September, no one has a Monday off to give them a three day weekend.  We believe that you should celebrate “Eat a Turd for Mohammed Day” every second Monday in August.  This would make Americans happy, Moslems happy, and show the world that you are the people of freedom that you claim to be.  It would also help soften the hatred that you feel towards us a month later on September 11th.”

Followers of Mohammed and Islam celebrate this holiday by, obviously, eating feces to honor their prophet.  In describing the celebration, the Ayatollah said that “we happily eat a turd, be it one of our own, that of our family, or even a pet or farm animal, to celebrate the life and contributions of Mohammed.  We humble ourselves and recognize all of the great things that Allah has done for us and that Mohammed, through the Koran, has provided to us.  This makes us so happy that we always end our day with a shit eating grin.”

President Donald Trump responded by saying that “this is a load of crap!  I’ve got some poop that those ragheads can eat, but you are not getting any great American to fall for this bull.  I’ll drop them a load in the spirit of international brotherhood, after eating a plate of bacon, some ham, and a few pork chops, but that’s as close as I am coming to this.”

Nancy Pelosi, however, said that she and all other leading Democrats would happily participate to promote world peace and solidarity (even though Christmas displays and Ten Commandments displays are still wrong).



Leave a Reply