Neophyte Congresswoman-Elect Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Sends a Text Message

by on 09/11/18 at 7:42 pm

Close friends say Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has a poor body image and needs t o go on a few  more dates with real guys.

Close friends say Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has a poor body image and needs to go out on a few more dates with real guys.

New York NY – (

Newly elected NYC Democratic-Socialist NITWIT Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) has tried to send a Text Message to the new Democratic Speaker of the US House of Representatives, to be determined (TBD).

To whom it may concern:

  • When am I going to be inaugurated?
  • How many bills per day must I sign?
  • Which office building in Washington DC will I be in; Cannon House Office Building, Longworth House Office Building or Rayburn House Office Building?
  • Is my office next to the US House Speaker, where we can constantly communicate?
  • Is my office bigger than a broom closet, away from the basement boiler room and have a window?
  • How big is my staff?
  • Do I get to go to the White House every day?
  • Do I get an all women Secret Service detail?
  • Where is my Limo parked and my private jet kept (I prefer JFK International AP)?
  • Can I sleep in my office, as housing is expensive in Washington DC?
  • When do I get money to pay moving expenses from NYC to Washington DC?
  • Where is all the funding for my socialist causes kept?
  • Do I have to pay federal and state taxes anymore?
  • What is the US Constitution, where can I get a copy, and does it have any pictures?
  • Do I get free breakfast and coffee breaks like when I worked as a waitress?
  • What committees will I be chairing?
  • Does the Democratic Party US House Whip hurt?
  • Can I travel anywhere I desire, as I have never been to Australia or Secaucus NJ?

We here at Satireworld have it on good authority that the security guards at the Information Desk of the Longworth House Office Building, after they stopped laughing, placed the text message in a circular file mailbox. Thus, both current US House Speaker Paul Ryan (R-WI) resident in Longworth and the future Democratic US House Speaker TBD will be spared from having to deal with this drivel!

One Response to “Neophyte Congresswoman-Elect Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Sends a Text Message”

  1. Philbert of Macadamia

    Nov 20th, 2018

    Congresswoman-elect Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) has petitioned the new (unknown) Democratic US House of Representatives Speaker to change her seat to a California district!

    She wants to be with the rest of the fruits and nuts in the California delegation, e.g. Rep. “mad” Maxine Waters (D-CA)!

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