Global Warming Alert! Forest Fires and Cooling Vaginas Threaten Global Peace

by on 18/11/18 at 8:49 am

Becky Fahrenheit from Oslo, Sweden noticed penguins following her in recent months whenever she wore a skirt.

Becky Fahrenheit from Oslo, Sweden noticed penguins following her in recent months whenever she wore a skirt.

Barbed Wire editor E.Williams says he's sworn off dating after a vigorous episode of severe frostbite happened on a very private area.

Barbed Wire editor E.Williams says he’s sworn off dating after a vigorous episode of severe frostbite happened on a very private area.

Since the 'Big Chill' Bob Morris from Punta Gorda Florida claims his wife found an innovative way to cool beverages while at the beach.

Since the ‘Big Chill’ Bob Morris from Punta Gorda Florida claims his wife found an innovative way to cool beer while at the beach.

Global warming....Cooler vaginas....Asteroid extinction.........Bad things heading our way!

Global warming….Cooler vaginas….Asteroid extinction………Bad things heading our way!

Sacramento, CA – (SatireWorld.com)

Esteemed scientist and 2008 Nobel Science Award recipient, Dr.Calvin Butterworth, issued a startling warning to people everywhere concerning disturbing events he has recorded over the past year…”Global warming and related events could threaten our species! Dr. Butterworth also raised the alarm that, in his words, “Women and their vaginas around the world are rapidly cooling down due to global warming.

In a news article that consumed millions of men around the globe, Dr. Buttetrworth cautioned,“Once, 98.6 to 100 deg F was considered a normal temperature for a women’s vagina, but today, temperatures of 72 – 56 deg F are fairly common!” Claims Dr. Butterworth.

Last year, a double-blind test was administered to over 12,000 CalTech females in which Dr. Butterworth inserted a thermometer recording their vagina temperatures for up to three hours daily for almost six weeks.

In 11,994 women the temperature hovered between 70 deg F and 82 deg F! The other six women scored above 98.6 deg F and were immediately dated by Dr. Butterworth for, as he put it, ‘further enhanced studies’.

Global warming expert Al Gore contributed to the report with a report of his own in which he confirms Dr. Butterworth’s findings, “Yes, I totally agree…My ex-wife Tipper’s cooter had been below zero for way over 15 years!”

Dr. Butterworth conducted tests for the National Science Foundation in Washington, DC. His findings were similar with a startling exception when he tested Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Hillary Clinton….Both had vagina temperatures well below freezing!

Doctors everywhere have added credence to the report by adding their observations of recent years over the increase of ravaging forest fires and the onset of blue balled male patients who have all the classic symptoms of early frost bite on their genitals.

Other scientists have similar observations and many have shown their concerns by approaching the National Science Administration voicing concerns over world peace in the coming years.

In United Nations Security Council Dr.Lago Mohammad, a noted scientist from Pakistan says, “Without question men will go far and wide to find women who aren’t affected. This will cause immense problems around the globe as men will seek a ‘more comfortable arrangement’ for sex.”

In the United States, Doctor Butterworth will be traveling to Hollywood to test celebrity vaginas and to publish the reports about famous women’s internal vagina temperatures.



5 Responses to “Global Warming Alert! Forest Fires and Cooling Vaginas Threaten Global Peace”

  1. Philbert of Macadamia

    Nov 18th, 2018

    Liberals Ben and Jerry’ s Ice Ceam Inc announced a new flavor, after Hillary and Nancy’s test results, called “Frozen P***y!”

  2. Bargis

    Nov 18th, 2018

    T’WAT????

  3. Jalapenoman

    Nov 18th, 2018

    But I thought that Hillary was already established as the baseline measurement for the rating “colder than a witch’s tit.”

  4. Bargis

    Nov 19th, 2018

    There ARE colder places in the land of the mindless…..Imagine snuggling up to Maxine Waters one cold and dreary morning. Of course, that would be immediately after you had a full frontal lobotomy and had taken at least three doses of LSD.

  5. Whoopie

    Nov 27th, 2018

    Frankly, after a long hard day at the morgue, I like to come home, kick off my shoes and pop open a cold one.

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