Barrio Santa Claus Considers Painting His Low Rider Something Other Than “Arrest Me Red”

by on 29/11/18 at 9:09 pm

Chiquita's love pink so black was out.

Chiquita’s love pink so Bario Santa Claus figured black was out.


El Paso, Texas – (satireworld.com)

Barrio Santa Claus, who visits his paisanos and his hermanitos every year on Christmas Eve to deliver gifts, has announced plans to paint his low rider something than the traditional “arrest me red.  “La Migra always tries to arrest me when I cross the border because my ride just stands out in the night sky as I fly across the Rio Grande.  I think that if I went with a better black, I’d be able to sneak across without a problem… at least that’s what all of the mojados and the coyotes tell me.”

“My burros, Gordo, Chico, Chuy, Flaco, Paco, and the others, are already dark enough so that it won’t make a difference.  I don’t always have to have them on my trips. but sometimes the low rider high centers on the speed bumps and they have to pull me off.”

Santa will wear his traditional sleeveless leather suit with, of course, the red bandana on his head.  His right arm with the tattoo “Sleigh your enemies” and the left with one saying “be a bad girl for Santa.”

Santa, who loves to eat the leche, pan dulce, and biscochitos that the ninos leave for him, often says not a word but goes straight to his work.  He leaves bicicletas y los Barbies for the ninos.  He also likes to make a quick visit to the mujers if their esposos or novios are not at home (to give them some amor from a true Latin Lover!).

 

Spanish key:

  • Barrio = Mexican ghetto
  • Paisonos = cousins and other extended relatives
  • Hermanitos = little brothers and sisters
  • La Migra = Border Patrol
  • Mojados = wetbacks (people who snuck in through the river)
  • Coyotes = people who sneak illegal aliens across the river for money
  • Burros = donkeys
  • Leche, pan dulce, and biscochitos = milk, sweet rolls/sweet breads, and Mexican cookies made with anise and cinnamon
  • Bicicletas = bicycles
  • Ninos = children
  • Mujers = women
  • Esposos or novios = husbands or boyfriends


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