Elizabeth Warren Announces Her All Inclusive Candidacy In Her Bid to be Elected President

by on 01/01/19 at 3:52 pm

Warren made a few extra bucks in 1977 by  taking the role of  Thunder Clam in several Lone Ranger episodes.

Warren made a few extra bucks in 1977 by taking the role of Chief Thunder Clam in several Lone Ranger episodes which shored up her claims of Native American heritage.

Boston, MA – (satireworld.com)

Senator Elizabeth “Pocahontas” Warren has announced that her candidacy for the office of President of the United States will be all-inclusive towards all people off all backgrounds.  “No one will be left out in my bid for this highest of political office as I open my arms and my heart to people of all backgrounds,” said the Democrat.

As such, Warren has announced, regardless of what her recent DNA test proved, that she is 1/2 Chinese, 1/2 Filipino, 1/2 Japanese, 1/2 Sumatran, 1/2 Thai, 1/2 Vietnamese, 1/2 Korean, 1/2 Laotian, 1/2 Cambodian, 1/2 Indian, 1/2 Pakistani, 1/2 Iranian, 1/2 Turkish, 1/2 Iraqi, 1/2 Syrian, 1/2 Jordanian, 1/2 Arabic, 1/2 Egyptian, 1/2 Palestinian, 1/2 Sephardic Jew, 1/2 Ashkenazic Jew, 1/2 Coptic Egyptian, 1/2 Tse Tse, 1/2 Hutu, 1/2 Bantu, 1/2 Ethiopian, 1/2 Boer, 1/2 Tibetian, 1/2 Incan, 1/2 Aztec, 1/2 Toltec, 1/2 Mayan, 1/2 Tongan, 1/2 Malaysian, 1/2 Samoan, 1/2 Tahitian, 1/2 Native American (from ALL tribes), 1/2 Polynesian, 1/2 Eskimo, and less than 1% white, western European (as that is not politically correct).  She says that she may have failed to list some of her background, but ran out of paper and couldn’t think of any other groups that she needed to pander to.

Elizabeth also said that her religious background is Moslem, Jewish, Zoroastrian, Hindu, Confucianism, Buddhism, Wiccan, Head Hunter, and just about everything but fundamentalist Christian or Mormon.

In her high school and earlier education, she was a member of the football, baseball, basketball, soccer, track, golf, lacrosse, and tennis teams in sports.  The Senator was part of both the FFA and 4H, while also being a member of DECA, the French club, the German club, the Latin club, the Math club, the Science club, the Future Teachers of America, and the Science Fiction Club.  She was also part of the brownies, cub scouts, boy scouts, girl scouts, camp fire girls, explorers, and junior birdmen (Warren did not want any of these groups capitalized as they are no longer politically correct).

Her favorite teams play in the ACC, Big Ten, Big Twelve, Pac Twelve, Conference USA, whatever they call the Big East now, the WAC, the Big West, the Big Sky, the Sun Belt, the MAC, and all of the lower level division I, II, and III conferences (to include all of the independents but not politically correct Notre Dame, BYU, or Army).  She has children and grandchildren who are honor students and members of fraternities, sororities, and other social organizations and clubs at ALL of these schools.

Liz admits that her sexuality is very broad as she is straight, gay, bisexual, trisexual, queer, a cross dresser, into beastiality, S&M, B&D, transexuality, and every other perversion and “life choice” that can be imagined or invisioned.

Pocahontas said that, like her hero Barrack Obama, she has also visited all 57 states.  In fact, she says that she was born in ALL 57 states.

Her theme song will be a version of the Culture Club hit “I’ll Tumble 4 Ya.”  Boy George will sing “I’ll Pander 2 Ya” for the campaign.

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