by captain america on 04/02/11 at 7:07 am
Hair-of-the-Dog Bar & Grille-(satireworld.com)
VP Joe Biden, struggling to over come his pronouncement just a few days ago that “Mubarak is not a Dictator” tried to downplay the US’s sudden divorce from Egypt’s strongman, an ally for over 30 years.
“What I meant was,” said Biden as he faced a friendly press corp after he had sprung for lunch at the Four Seasons, “that Mubarak is a benevolent Dictator, and more importantly, he was, I mean is, our Dictator….there is a strong distinction when discussing Dictators. There’s ‘thems’ and then there’s ‘ours!’ There’s a big F****g difference, if you get my drift!”
Meanwhile, confusion in Egypt reigns as Mubarak’s family and close family allies have fled to either the UK or Dubai, looting the country’s treasury. One friend, a major developer, passed through Dubai customs with over $500M in CASH, a sum that didn’t even raise eyebrows in the country used to seeing an influx of purloined US cash pouring in from Iraq, Afghanistan and Israel.
Biden said the eventual change in leadership will be good for the US economy.
“Our commerce department is in negotiations right now with the Muslim brotherhood to take over production of President Obama’s break through Green Car, the Chevy Volt. He is currently pushing meetings between Mahmoud el ShaBoom, representing the Muslim workers, and Andy Stein of the SEIU employees union to raise the current wage from $2 a day to $2.25 which will also include substantial benefits, and a fair and equitable pension package for retiring workers when they reach the age of 35.”
Some members of the press questioned the wisdom of the move considering that first: no one wanted to buy the Volt, second, that hundreds had died in their vehicle during the recent US blizzard when their battery died in a traffic jam, and thirdly, as one Fox reporter asked, “Isn’t asking the Muslim Brotherhood to make American Cars just a ‘ticking time bomb?”
Non plussed, Biden plunged ahead, “That is a totally unrealistic supposition, and speaking for the President, I resent the implication! The President has mandated that the vehicles will have a ‘life time’ warranty for as long as the original owner lives, the cars will have a complete body scan as they enter US ports, and there will no ball bearings used in any part of the Volts construction thereby limiting collateral damage should there be a religious inspired incident. Did I mention the $5,000 accidental death policy?”
Ford motor company stock rose 22.5% shortly after the announcement at the same time a spokesman for Afghan President Karzai announced the family was buying up 2750 GM franchises in the US as the stock continued to plummet and long time owners were bailing out of the family businesses hoping to retire before Obama issued another stimulus, or worse, another new model, forcing them into bankruptcy.