by Bargis on 04/02/11 at 7:39 am
Los Angeles, CA- (satireworld.com)
Ever since the popular series of books and movies about the fictionalized character Harry Potter were released, Police have reported a steady and upward rising number of thefts that have been connected to Harry Potter wannabees.
"We've been receiving at least 75 complaints a day since this Harry Potter crap began a number of years ago!" Claims Sargent Roscoe Miller of the LA police department.
"We cannot keep broom replacements in stock!" Claims Oliver Norton, the proprietor of the Clean Sweep Shoppe in Dover.
It seems natural brooms have disappeared all over the UK and in the US, as Potter-mania has swept both countries and their youngsters literally off their feet.
This is not without a dark side to this report. Scores of young men and women felt convinced they too could fly with a broom between their legs and have attempted to 'fly' off of multi-story buildings. Of course gravity was the usual rude awakening and deaths have soared in recent years as kids completed a perfect 'header' into some rather unforgiving concrete.
In lieu of a public outcry concerning safety issues, police have instituted stricter controls over all brooms and have instituted a series of background checks and a three-day waiting period before a purchase can be completed.
Some of the other props used in the movie series have caused youngsters to seek a similar items to play-out the Harry Potter character to a greater height of believability, mostly for the benefit of their friends. For instance, the grainy substance ‘Floo Powder’ used in the movie has been substituted with the easier to obtain but illegal drug heroin, which is much easier to find from local street dealers. Reports of super drugged kids waving long, pointed sticks at each other in a paradoy of ‘casting a Hogwart’s spell,’ have caused several adolescents complications due to severe eye injuries.
In other news, the Dyson Corporation has reported vacuum cleaner sales have risen dramatically since the crackdown on brooms began in January.