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Spoof Writer Puts Himself Up for Highest Bidder in Humourless Market!

by captain america on 17/02/11 at 9:24 am

Spoofland (satireworld.com)

After years of toiling for peanuts, yea, less than peanuts if truth be told, a noted Spoof Writer today announced his free agency and said he is putting himself on the ‘open market’ and encourages ‘all reasonable offers.”

Whilst bidding for top baseball stars commences in the Colonies today, with St. Louis Cardinal Albert Pujols amongst the most coveted, with offered salaries approaching $30M per year, and spoiled Soccer Shaggers demanding $200k a week, and getting it, Spoof Writing Agent Marvin Fiddlestein said it was time for someone to break the strangle hold held on spoof writers by Internet Spoof Tycoons.

“Some of these guys have a knack to cajole a stable of top writers to toil for no compensation, certainly a throw back to before the industrial revolution,’”said Marvin at a small press conference in his home office in Jensen Beach, Fl.

“Why these talented people put up with it eludes me, chalk it up to the superior salesmanship of these 3rd world dictators and of course the threat of bodily harm and mental abuse that is always implied, but never actually stated! What’s really ironic is they profess to follow the EU’s mandate on Human Rights….BASTARDS!”

The writer, who wishes to remain anonymous to save embarrassment in case no one offers him a long term contract, said he had recently reflected over his output for the past several years.

“Right, ” he said pensively, ” I’ve toiled relentlessly day and night to get a leg over in this Spoof business. What have I achieved? I’ve dashed out over 600,000 words, ‘earned’ over 2M points, been mentioned on Google, been complimented by my peers, and been called a ‘racist bastard’ by a damned Scot…but has that put one farthing in my purse? Nay! Not one bloody farthing!”

The writer pointed out that even Banco Amerikana has a point redemption center and for example 25,000 points earns you a $250 cash reward, or you can pick from a catalogue of gifts for redemption.

“I understand these BASTARDS may not wish to involve themselves with cash redemption schemes,” the starving writer said, ” what with exchange rates and all, and of course the recent furor in bogus claims for housing maintenance, medical reimbursements , and paying rent to your gay lover and then declaring a ‘write off’. But, not even a friggin’ catalogue to pick out a nice bouquet of daffodils for the Misses, a $10 coupon for some fish & chips, a pass to see the HMS Victory, or a one day pass for the ‘hop on hop off’?”

Said yet another writer, looking at it more objectively after writing twice as much,” Look Mate, you can write for these spoof sites for nothing, or you can pay a French Dominatrix to beat the shit out of you and humiliate you at the same time and pay her $3500, and maybe even die during the experience…at least with most of these sites you still get to wake up in the morning and beat yourself up again for nothing!”

Hard to argue with that.

More if the offers roll in.

Arianna Huffington Did Not Approve this Article. RICH, SELFISH BITCH!