by captain america on 21/02/11 at 6:22 am
Fort Bragg, NC-(satireworld.com)
Despite news reports of Mexico’s 30,327th violent murder linked to government sponsored drug activity, Obama says travel is not restricted, and urges spring breakers to continue with plans to “go have a good time, get drunk, get laid….our youth need to lose their heads occasionally!”
As if confirming his convictions, Obama has urged Homeland Security head Janet Napolitano to join the 82nd Airborne in a training jump scheduled to land in Acapulco sometime later this week during a night training exercise.
Napolitano has said in the past “America’s Borders are safer than they’ve ever been!”
Last week 2 US teenagers were mowed down across the border while they were negotiating to buy a car at a dealership in broad daylight.
A few days ago ICE agents were slaughtered during a bogus Mexican Police stop when they could not defend themselves because the Mexicans won’t allow US enforcement agents to be armed.
Just this weekend, Mexican Terrorists found new ways to intimidate their countrymen, butchering 12 cab drivers and their fares outside Acapulco, days before an international tennis tournament.
In other intramural contests, 6 men were bound with ropes and tossed alive off a 600 foot bridge to test Newton’s Law of Gravity, while others were decapitated and had been skinned
in order to make souvenirs for tourists from Columbia.
Colonel Stan “Spike” Newmann, head of the 82nd who will lead the exercise said he is preparing for Napilatano’s historic jump and making sure nothing will go wrong.
“I’ve already told her those Jimmy Choo boat sandals won’t do. She’ll be issued a standard pair of jump boots, and she’ll have to blouse her pant’s suit bottoms into ‘em….if she don’t,
I can’t guarantee the wind won’t inflate those big boys and carry her off…no telling where
Napilatano, still somewhat apprehensive, has mandated that no citizen of Arizona be in charge of packing her chute. Seems she used to be governor of that state, and has refused to back the new governor as illegal immigrants have over run the territory cashing in Obama entitlements including free medical, education and welfare payments.
As far as Napilatano’s safety is concerned, Newmann said even if she was captured, he was sure her well known attitude toward amnesty, appeasement, and friendship toward
drug cartel members would guarantee her safety.
Continuing his thoughts, Newmann paused pensively, then said, ” and I seriously doubt she would be in any danger of getting sexually assaulted…we haven’t heard of any bull dykes being involved in the Mexican Mafia…at least not that we’re aware of.”
Passing up Mexico’s well known friendly attitude toward American Tourists and their sunshine, sandy beaches and cheap drugs, First Lady Michelle Obama and ‘the kids’ spent their holiday on the slopes at Vail, Colorado protected by the 10th Mountain Division.
Meanwhile, reacting to continued unemployment, world wide unrest, and budget shortfalls, Obama has urged all other Americans to show restraint, even if it means giving up their weekend getaways to Disney Land. Echoing his wife, Michelle, Obama said reading from his Teleprompter, “Vacations ARE NOT a right…….unless of course you’re an incarcerated European Union Citizen…..”