by Sir Percival Pissgums on 18/06/11 at 2:23 pm
The TSA announced a new weapon in the fight against terrorism. All agents will be issued a set of X-ray vision glasses as part of an overall upgrade and proceeds from a grant from DC Comics.
The glasses, once thought to be an inferior item found in the classifieds of comic books and magazines, attracted the attention of Homeland Security purchasing agents who are always on the lookout for new items and other stupid ways to waste taxpayers money.
Bought with a generous grant from the comic book leader, the x-ray glasses cost the government $1.98 each, plus 2 box tops from a box of Wheaties. Each pair also includes a 'secret' decoder ring and badge!
In Atlanta, agents used the new device and had a startling surprise. Sales executive, Mel Anderson was stopped after a TSA agent wearing the glasses noticed a Coca Cola bottle in the man’s rectum. Upon questioning a very humiliated Anderson, it was later found out that Anderson was just fired from his sales job at Coca-Cola for a relationship with the CEO’s wife. Anderson was on his way home to explain the circumstances to his wife.
Janet Napoliatano demonstrated a pair by peering at a group of French college students arriving at Logan Airport. She passed them around so everyone could see the latest in European underwear fashion.
The immediate results are mixed since most TSA agents are too busy looking at each other to pay much attention to airline patrons.