After Celebrating His Successful Eddie Van Halen Tribute Album, North Korean Leader Kim Jong-Il To Compete On TV’s ‘Dancing With The Stars’

by on 29/06/11 at 11:14 am

At a recent Pyongyang concert where 'Dear Leader' Kim Jong Il performed as Eddie Van Halen, an audience member forgot to applaude and was immediately executed during the beginning rift of...'Hot For Teacher'.

People Democrat Republic of North Korea – (

American singer Marie Osmond has reportedly spent three weeks as the guest of North Korea’s strongman Kim Jong-il.

According to sources they are both fans of dancing, singing, and various types of popular music, and have made several homemade movies together at the Presidential Palace located in the ‘Hermit Kingdom’s’ capitol, Pyongyang.

Says Osmond of her current dance partner, “Really, he’s pretty cute! He wears these cool retro platform shoes, and puffs his hair up so he can be taller! You know, he plays the guitar? I watched a DVD where he plays and acts just like Eddie Van Halen!”

Sources have confirmed that Kim Jong lndeed has made an hour long ‘tribute’ DVD where he stars as rocker Eddie Van Halen. In the video he wears a wig, and dresses exactly like the rocker complete with a vintage Gibson guitar. During a recent concert in Pyongyang, Kim Jong Il rocked the stadium that contained up to 850,000 party loyalists, who applauded after each rousing rendition of vintage Van Halen. The successful concert was marred by one audience member forgetting to applaude enthusiastically enough, and was singled out, brought to the stage, and promptly shot while Kim Jing Il belted out the opening guitar rifts to ‘Hot For Teacher.’

On the popular DVD, North Korean General Foo Sing Fang, substitutes as rocker David Lee Roth the groups front man. According to Jong Il, the General was sent abroad for massive plastic surgery, hair extensions, full dental work, and guitar lessons. After the album’s release General Fang was shot.

Marie Osmond was later quoted, “The DVD is what turned me on to asking the State Department to invite him to give a try at TV’s Dancing With The Stars. The little guy will love all the attention.”

3 Responses to “After Celebrating His Successful Eddie Van Halen Tribute Album, North Korean Leader Kim Jong-Il To Compete On TV’s ‘Dancing With The Stars’”

  1. curt

    Jul 2nd, 2011

    YEAAAAAAAAAA-just what the world needs–a murderer for president of global disarmament. Has Marie Osmond lost her mind??? Why would anyone invite this short little murderer to try out for ” Dancing With The Stars “?? I do realize that if our UNAMERICAN President has anything to do with this decision, this Korean Murderer will soon be an american citizen so he can vote for Obummer.

  2. Jalapenoman

    Jul 4th, 2011

    I wonder if Curt knows hgbf?

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