by captain america on 07/08/11 at 10:35 amSvalbard Island, Norway – (SatireWorld.com)
Recent global unrest and the impending crash of the world economy has now reached to Norway, one of the World’s richest nations, home to 4.5 million Striking Vikings, who live very well, thank you, courtesy of North Sea oil resources.
“It’s the attack of the BEARS,” said Erik Petersen, “commenting on the downgrading of the US borrowing power, and the tragic death of an English Naturalist at the hands of a marauding and starving Polar Bear who made landfall at Svalbard Island after a 12 day cross Atlantic Trip after eating his fill of Wall Street in recent weeks.
Norwegians everywhere have taken to their homes, boarded their windows, and refuse to go out at night, let alone sleep outside in tents in their own backyard, even threatening to derail Nobel Prize voting, much to the angst of Heather Mills, who says she’s been nominated this year.
” Uff Da! When the BEAR is on the prowl, he’s going to Eat,” said Finance Minister Lars Johansen philosophically, “whatever you do, don’t keep your Krona under the mattress where you sleep, a hungry bear can smell a good meal from over a mile away, and will stop at nothing to get to it and strip your cupboard bare…and if you’re between him and his prey, you’re toast!”
Reports are coming in from Oslo that several Hedge Fund managers were forced to jump to their deaths after rampaging BEARS stripped their cupboards bare and left nothing but crumbs, backing them into a corner with no escape but to leap from their 10th story
balcony and praying that the IMF was there to cushion their fall from grace.
US Secretary of the Treasury, Tim Geithner, seemingly in shell shocks and appearing dazed and confused, was caught off guard when confronted by a financial reporter as he attempted to leave by way of the back door at the White House.
Responding to a query , Geithner mumbled, ” it’s all to do with basic math, 2 +2 =5, at least until somebody finally does an audit and proves me wrong. Here in the US the economy has never been better, at least that’s what the President is telling us, and he went to Harvard…who are we to question?”
When asked if the recent melt down proved the old adage that “Pigs get fat, but hogs get slaughtered,” Geithner seemed stumped, then said, ” …as far as I know President Obama won’t eat pork. Or peas either for that matter.!
Geithner than turned and asked his own question, “Tell me, does a BEAR really shit in the woods, or is that another Conservative taking point?”
On hearing about the comments, Sarah Palin, former governor of Alaska said,” Well, I can tell you one thing for sure…unlike a Democrat, a true BEAR doesn’t shit where he eats, especially a BEAR celebrating his birthday gorging on a feast while the rest of his clan are starving to death!”
Back in Britain PM David Cameron, backed by EU Minister Barrenness (sic) Ashcroft vowed a full investigation of the Norway tragedy.
Said Ashcroft from Brussels, “it’s unconscionable…what was a British citizen doing in Norway with a gun? This is an outrage…Polar Bears have ‘uman rights too!”
A reporter who sought a comment from Parliament Speaker John Bercow, was met instead by his wife at the door of their home.
“I’d love to comment,” said Sally, ” is that a photographer with you then? I’ll just git me sheet !”
Stringer Doctor Victor Nicholas said fear is even starting to invade Canada! “I’m not sure what’s behind it, ” said Doc, ” but everybody is running around trying to hide their Loonies!”