‘Eat-A-Turd For Mohammed Day’ Gaining Popularity In Taliban Controlled Afghanistan
by Steely Beast on 01/09/11 at 2:24 pm
Taliban fighters are planning a home delivery service, Turds-On-The-Go, complete with an armed guards
In the remote tribal areas of eatern Afghanistan the Taliban declared today as the official “Eat A Turd For Mohammed Day.” Swarming into remote mountain villages the armed Taliban forced villagers at gunpoint to eat their own crap in order to show their “true submission to Islam”….said Ziki Al-Ghabouni, a spokesman for the Taliban.
“It’s not bad if there’s enough corn left in it,” claimed village elder Ramoud Farsi, age 34, who wanly smiled for the Taliban’s camera as an old Russian AK-47 was pushed menacing against his back. Others in the village said they felt the same, as scores of armed, dark bearded men took turns guarding them as they ate. Other militants filed back into dusty back rooms filling small earthenware plates for villagers throughout the small enclave.
Started in 2006 as part of ‘put trust in Islam with remarkable deeds,’ the Eat-A-Turd for Mohammed Day is the brainchild of Gazhi Al Boutmoub, a regional Taliban chieftain in the Walishiri sector of northern Pakistan.
For his innovative and courageous efforts, Al Boutmoub was awarded the prestigious Osama Medal consisting of two camels under a star and crescent moon. When asked about the meaning of the representations inscribed on the medal, no one actually knew, but one Taliban official claimed the ‘Sheik’ designed it by drawing it in the sand with his urine stream.
Recent weeks have been difficult for the village visitors as scores of villagers flee once they see Taliban patrols carrying plates and napkins approaching on trails through the mountains. Al Boutmoub has a plan that will include Taliban ‘happy meals’ for the kids and colorful balloons as give-a-ways.
Walter Bucket
Sep 1st, 2011
Surely not during Ramadan!
Bargis
Sep 1st, 2011
Hell! Ain’t you never hear’d of Ramadan Noodles? Mix ‘em all up and it’s a sure crowd pleaser!
Lady Godiva
Sep 1st, 2011
S**t, you have just put me off my barbecued sausages!
Throckmorton P. Turdblossom
Sep 3rd, 2011
I think it’s a pretty good way for them fellers to honor their prophet. It’ll probably taste like crap, but they can always use salt or tabasco sauce or somethin’.
Lady Godiva
Sep 3rd, 2011
I just cannot believe how THIS story has affected me. I just can’t look at a sausage in the same way that I used to.
I’ll probably NEVER eat a ‘brown’ sausage again….OR if I do….I won’t be ‘sniffing it first’….and I will have my eyes closed.
Walter Bucket
Sep 4th, 2011
How about a Corn Dog?
Lady Godiva
Sep 4th, 2011
No corn dog is getting past THESE lips…I like the big fat sausauges…not skinny little wieners no matter WHAT they are coated in…..
Throckmorton P. Turdblossom
Sep 4th, 2011
Latex?
Lady Godiva
Sep 4th, 2011
No thanks TPT. I hate the taste of latex.
Anyway, it can rip and get stuck in your teeth.
Throckmorton P. Turdblossom
Sep 4th, 2011
I told you before I weren’t wearing no latex condom that day! That was my wrinkly old pecker you was biting! I had band-aids on it for three weeks!
Lady Godiva
Sep 4th, 2011
Well hell’s bells…you DIDN’T tell me and you should have TOLD me what you wanted you silly old sod….You only have yourself to blame. I am lots of things but I am no bloody mind reader.