by HMS Pantiliner on 27/09/11 at 4:03 pmBloodyvostock – (SatireWorld.com)
Siberian Tractor and Agricultural Haulage News Magazine has yet to confirm reports tit (sic) has secured exclusive rights to a picture of Kate Middelton (Ed: who she?) to grace the front cover of its national bra-ssica harvest edition in November.
Middleton is to appear partially clothed in some cabbage leaves alongside a bare-chested and newly re-masculinised Vladimir ‘The Impaler’ Putin, wannabe next president of Russia.
The Christmas edition will be sponsored by Pissov Vodka, number one best selling Russian turnip spirit distilled at the Chernobyl Alcohol Works in the Ukraine.
Today’s announcement scotches ‘pathetic, opportunist’ rival claims that Middleton is to be the December cover girl for American Vague magazine.
“The Yanks fell about laughing at the very idea,” miffed Palace sources admitted today, “something about an MRI scan printout proving Middleton is actually 40.”
A free condom in a hermetically sealed packet is part of the magazine’s festive giveaway.