by Steely Beast on 05/12/11 at 6:17 amNew York, NY – (SatireWorld.com)
Dwayne Chapman, aka Dog the Bounty Hunter, arrested Santa Claus today under a warranty issued by the New York City ASPCA. The rotund and merry North Pole resident went peaceably and offered no resistance.
Cited with working reindeer overtime as a means to distribute toys across the world, ASPCA and a spokesman for PETA have been lobbying for years to put a stop to the annual practice.
Santa is resting comfortably in a NYC jail where he is expected to be arraigned next March for animal cruelty. Bond was denied by Judge Walter A Grinch.
A spokesman for Santa claims that Dog the Bounty Hunter, "will not be getting any presents this year and that Chapman can go fuck himself."
Santa claims it was an act of retaliation by Chapman after Chapman's wife staying up late to give him 'cookies and some nookie' back in 1992.
Santa later said he would reconsider actions against Dog, and maybe he’d just put some coal in Beth’s stocking instead, providing he gets to take them off again! As far as Dog, Santa says he plans on giving him a Duece Down the Chimney for giggles.