by Bargis Tryhol on 19/12/11 at 6:37 am
Pyongyang, North Korea – (SatireWorld.com)
According to North Korean television, Kim Jong Il, North Korea’s longtime leader, died of heart failure while dining on his personal train. He was 69 or 70 depending on which birth version you believe.
In a “special broadcast” Monday from the North Korean capital, state media said Kim died of a heart ailment on a train due to a “great mental and physical strain” on Dec. 17 during a “high intensity field inspection.” It slipped and said an autopsy was done on Dec. 16, a full day BEFORE his reported death and “fully confirmed” the diagnosis.
Kim is believed to have suffered a stroke in 2008, but he had appeared relatively vigorous in photos and video from recent trips to China and Russia and in numerous trips around the country carefully documented by state media. The communist country’s “Dear Leader” was reputed to have had a taste for cigars, cognac, western movies and gourmet cuisine. He was believed to have had diabetes, heart disease, and a really small pecker.
“It is the biggest loss for the party…and it is our people and nation’s biggest sadness,” an anchorwoman clad in black Korean traditional dress said in a voice choked with tears. She said the nation must “change our sadness to strength and overcome our difficulties.”
Off camera, she laughed and quickly changed into a bright colored dress with purple leotards.
Meanwhile in Hell…Kim Jong Il is on a hunger strike after finding the Perdition Buffet food not to his liking. Several attempts to convince management to allow his own personal chef to visit have been ignored. The late Dear Leader is also upset that his trademark platform shoes were taken away by the GateKeeper when he checked in, leaving the 5′ 3″ near dwarf a little short at the buffet line.
A Perdition spoksperson said he regrets Mr Kim’s dismay at the buffet food choices, but advises him to eat as much as he can now, because once the ‘Boss’ gets back the real food will be served again which is usually shit sandwiches piled high, especially for ex-dictators.