Polish Man Wins Odd Wager, Butt Is Banned From His Favorite Bar

by on 26/01/12 at 8:34 am

The consequences for Wlad were many. Including losing his job, being banned from Vlodivinski's Cafe, and finally, his fiancee broke up with him after a 13 year engagement citing incompatability.

Luz, Poland – (SatireWorld.com)

Wladasvil Galovinski was always the clown out for a laugh, and during secondary school at Luz's Red Guard Academy, Wlad would do devilish things to provoke teachers and to give merriment to his friends. In some respects Wlad never grew up and a recent wager between friends brought his life crashing down around him.

Now, all grown up and a worker at the Luz Manhole Cover Foundry, Galovinski still likes to be the center of attention, and now it's to his fellow workers. Like all good Poles, Wlad loves a stiff drink and plenty of them on Friday nights especially after a tough week of stacking 200 lb manhole covers for hours on end.

This Friday night would be different, simply because Wlad decided to bet all his fellow workers that he could take a hardy crap while standing on his head. He was excited because he knew he’d win and be able to buy football tickets for next week’s match between the Luz Hot Pirogi and the Krakow Evermore Skidmarks.

Fortified with at least 10 pitchers of Zwierzyniec Pilsner and a full meal of boiled eggs and dill pickles, the moment came when the Polka band increased the music's tempo. Petrozinjok Kwzaghojiki, the establishment's owner took the microphone and announced the event was to begin.

Soon, the bar was piled high with Zloty to cover the wagers. Eager crowds of sweaty, drunken workers closed ranks to witness if Wlad could in fact do the impossible and take a shit while standing on his head. Not a simple task, but made more difficult because Wlad promised to catch it in his hat while holding it outstretched in his right hand.

From the stage a drum roll began and the crowd hushed in anticipation of a historic moment.

Red faced and wet from the perspiration of concentration, a very nude Wlad took his place in the center of the room on a large table and took a final deep breath…The culmination of a quick fermenting dinner, and the gaseous cauldron of beer and eggs allowed a copious blast to erupt upward as Wlad voided himself.

The crowd's anticipation was very short-lived as the putrid column of crap hit the whirling overhead ceiling fan! Disaster struck in seconds as drunken participants rushed to avoid the flying shit.

Petrozinjok Kwzaghojiki, the establishment’s owner immediately banned Wlad from ever entering the bar again. It was a mighty punishment for the hard drinking Wlad since Vlodivinski’s Cafe was the only bar in town.

Shortly after the stunt, the exploit was published in Polish newspapers. Soon after, the world famous Darwin Awards Society in London inducted Wlad into the prestigious position of World's Most Careless Defecator.

5 Responses to “Polish Man Wins Odd Wager, Butt Is Banned From His Favorite Bar”

  1. Bargis

    Jan 26th, 2012

    Good one! Great first story.

  2. Throckmorton P. Turdblossom

    Jan 26th, 2012

    Yep, that’s usually what happens when the flying fecal matter intersects with the rotating, inclined plain.

  3. captain america

    Jan 26th, 2012

    …now wonder Lowton is seeking to replace his writers with recent Polish arrivals: they won’t join a union, work hard and long, show up all the time and stay sober on the job….all in all, pretty happy people
    just glad to be there…guess the Romanian Romance Writers didn’t work out….lucky they invented another ‘Chamone” character
    ‘just in the nick of time….”

  4. HMS Pantiliner

    Jan 26th, 2012

    Luz, Poland, eh?
    As in Praia de Luz, Portimao/Portugal maybe?
    Could be on to something.

  5. Philbert of Macadamia

    Mar 30th, 2018

    Still a funny story!

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