State Department Welcomes Taliban As New Washington, DC Embassy Opens

by on 07/02/12 at 8:10 am

Taliban ambassador Zaeef and aides welcomed their first official visitors to their new Washington, DC embassy...Michael Moore and Sean Penn sat and had tea and hashish under a banner that read.....'No Jooos Allowed'

Washington, DC – (

As hundreds of Toyota pick-up trucks delivered furnishings and military equipment to the new Afghanistan Taliban embassy on Washington, DC’s ‘K’ Street address, the United States State Department sent over a house warming gift of a dozen bagels and assorted fruits.

Ambassador Zaeef promised he would forego his usual AK-47 sidearm and bathe at least weekly to adjust into western culture and to paint a more positive image of the usual bloodletting Taliban. He also promised to visit local grade schools to teach young Americans about Taliban culture including honor killings and decapitation techniques he learned as a boy in the tribal areas of Pakistan.

US State Department encouraged the Taliban to show true legitimacy by forming a diplomatic corp and setting up embassies in Washington, London, Lahore, and Paris. “We wanted the Taliban to feel good about themselves and reinforce a positive self image,” said Secretary of State Hillary Clinton during the opening ceromonies which were temporarily suspended while DC police worked out a compromise to the usual Taliban twenty-one AK-47 salute at official gatherings. The Taliban were allowed to beat a bass drum 21 times and shout ‘Allah Akbar’ instead.

The Taliban press secretary announced an open house this Sunday for tea and native Afghani fare for everyone except Jooos. Plates and silverware will not be provided and guests are encouraged to bring their own.

2 Responses to “State Department Welcomes Taliban As New Washington, DC Embassy Opens”

  1. captain america

    Feb 7th, 2012

    …a state dinner featuring ‘finger food,’…..PRICELESS!

    …did you hear about all those sheets being ripped off at neighborhood
    laundramats??? Don’t blame the KKK…they only took the coloured ones…..

  2. HMS Pantiliner

    Feb 7th, 2012

    That communal lavatory seat pic sure spills a few legation secrets, now all embassies will want one.

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