by Bargis Tryhol on 11/02/12 at 6:43 am
Pongyon Pong Do, North Korea – (SatireWorld.com)
North Korean media is calming its citizens tonight after a team of trained ninja assassins snuck into North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un’s room overnight and assassinated the new leader while he was on a business trip in Beijing where he was believed to be purchasing several hundred golf carts for the new People’s PGA Golf Course.
The rumors, though unsubstantiated by any major news service or government agency, started on the Chinese language Twitter clone earlier today, claiming Jong-Un had been killed in his guest residence.
This news comes on the heels of Dear Leader Number Two dying several months ago, in which the populace suffered long days and nights of fake crying, posed grief, and numerous incarcerations for faking it.
“According to reliable sources, North Korean leader [Kim Jong-Un was killed] in Beijing in February 10 2012, at 2 o’clock and 45 minutes. Unknown persons broke into his residence shot him in the head and were subsequently shot and killed by the bodyguard,” one Tweet claimed.
No new photo of the leader of the reclusive country has emerged — at least none picked up by the popular blog Kim Jong-Un Looking at Things, except his reported burial photo where he is posed saluting the camera with a badly hidden bullet wound in his forehead.
North Korean security forces rounded up the ‘usual suspects’ in a sweeping grab of anyone fitting the description of a ninja. State television stations offered a half a cow to any citizen for information leading to the plot leaders who are suspected of remaining in North Korea. According to state officials, they are looking for men believed to have black hair, brown eyes, and a short stocky build. So far, police and security have arrested 2 million suspects fitting that description.