by Steely Beast on 28/04/12 at 5:48 amTehran, Iran – (SatireWorld.com)
The Islamic Republic of Iran said Tuesday that it has the ability to position a naval vessel within three miles of the East Coast of the United States.
“The power of our naval forces is such that we have a presence in all the waters of the world and, if needed, we can move to within three miles of New York,” Rear Admiral Ali Fadavi said Tuesday during a speech to the students of the University of Yazd in Iran.
Admiral Fadavi, who was promoted to ‘rear admiral’ only recently after spending 3 years in San Francisco as the Iranian’s embassy charge de faire, showed a photo of Iran’s most advanced frigate which, according to naval experts, would have a difficult time navigating the treacherous Atlantic crossing. In fact, no Iranian vessel has ever been reported as sailing beyond the sight of land in over 700 years.
Iran has in recent months advanced its propaganda war with the west by claiming outrageous military advancements. Last month it was a press release about an invisible Genie who had its own tank corp. Two weeks ago Iran claimed to have landed three men, a camel, and at least two SUVs on the moon’s surface to establish a ‘secret rocket base.’ Last week, Iranian claimed they had in their possesion the Ark of the Covenant, The Crucifiction Spear head, and Elvis’nude photos with Ann-Margaret from 1964!
US officials played down the threat by adding that a frigate is smaller than a destroyer and is compatible with anyone of our 75 or so Coast Guard vessels that routinely patrol our coastline areas. According to CG Commander Bert Harris….”We can blow those 50 year old Iranian frigates so far out of the water, the Iranians would think it was a Disney thrill ride.”
Meanwhile in Tehran, Iranian officials have just released another threat based on ‘total anihilation’….The Iranians claim they now possess a ‘death ray beam’ that can hit anywhere on the planet. Powered by sunlight, and a supposed giant magnifying glass suspended from a high flying satellite, Iranian Air Force general Sahid Hascumbat claims it can work even on cloudy days and can hit any place on Earth. “We tried a prototype on ants near a discarded date and it evaporated the insects within minutes.”