by captain america on 14/05/12 at 6:12 am
Bogota, Columbia – (SatireWorld.com)
Reports out of Bogota, Columbia, now affirm that the social and financial morass rampant around the globe was not the fault of George Bush After all!
Politicians around the globe now claim a previously unreported drug, Scopolamine, was responsible for their acts of omission, co-mission and nocturnal emissions which landed them, and the rest of us, in a pile of deep doggy doo doo!
According to a laboratory report out of the University of California, Berkley (NPI), the drug, from the prevalent Borrachero tree has strange powers rendering those subject to its affect ‘basically helpless, compliant, and willing to do anything with while not remember a thing!”
California Governor Jerry “Moonbeam” Brown, soon after announcing the state’s $16B deficit took to his tree house and now claims, “I forget how to get down!”
Commenting on the lab disclosure former PM Gordon Brown said quizzically, “Missing Gold…what gold…certainly not on my watch!”
Sally Bercow, a devoted follower and practitioner of designer drugs before they are outlawed said, “Honestly, all I remember is one minute I was naked in a sheet, and the next I followed some gypsy to his home…the rest is all a blank to me…was I really on the Telly! OMG, don’t tell the Dwarf!”
Nick Clegg and Dave Cameron in a joint conference on BBC said “Frankly, for the life us us we can’t remember why we decided to get together!”
Ed Milliband was quoted as saying to the Guardian, “Get off Mate…I don’t remember having a brother!”
The powerful substance, ground into powder, can be held in the palm of the hand, and then blown into the nostrils of an unsuspecting victim. Reports say that within a millisecond the victim can be led into emptying their bank accounts, bringing a crook home to show them where the family jewels are, and dropping their knickers for a quick shag…all without having a memory of anything untoward.
‘Spy inna Bag” Gareth Williams was said to have been working on tracing the drugs origins when he was ‘snuffed and stuffed’ leaving many unanswered questions concerning his death, Gareth himself said he didn’t remember a thing after being zipped up.
Rebekuh Brooks, commenting to Piers Morgan about the recent UK phone hacking scandal, said, ‘Honestly, I can’t even remember who I talked to yesterday…does it matter? LOL!”
Attorney General Eric Holder says he doesn’t remember being briefed about ‘Fast and Furious,”
the GAO exec filmed in a Las Vegas hot tub during a $800K taxpayer junket that has taken the ‘fifth’ saying it wasn’t his fault and certainly can’t remember any of the details.
Timothy Geithner, Charlie Wrangle (sic), Al Sharpton and 400,000 government employees say they ‘just forgot to file’ their taxes, and Dominique Strauss-Kahn said last week after the French election, “I honestly can’t remember the last time I had sex,” prompting Tiger Woods to echo, “me either,” even after they watched video’s to prompt their memories.
President Obama, facing a tough re election in November, has said to be going bat shit trying to get enough of the powder in time for November. As he told Michelle, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, and Debbie Wasserman Schultz, ‘this shit will be better than blowing smoke up their arse…you folks better get ready to BLOW!”