by Jalapenoman on 17/06/12 at 1:15 pmJuarez, Mexico – (SatireWorld.com)
A Mexican distillery in Oaxaca has promised to make the world’s largest bottle of Mescal after obtaining the corpse of the world’s largest worm. Artie, the grandson of Jeff the Subway worm from Men in Black II, was recently killed in a subway collision and his body will be preserved in the agave based liquor famous for containing a Mexican worm.
Representatives from the Men in Black say that the alien race involved should not have a problem, since preserving the giant worm this way is a form of embalming very similar to that used on the giant insect’s native planet.
Manufacturers from the glass company hired to make the bottle say that it will need to be rectangular, about 450 feet long long, 30 foot wide, and at least 40 foot tall. Those are minimum measurements due to the size of the worm. In keeping with the shape of a traditional bottle, it may end up being about 600 foot tall and would make it larger than any building in the Mexican state where Mescal is processed.
Manufacture of a bottle this large is expected to cause glass shortage all across Mexico. Persons wishing to install new windows, replace broken windows, or wanting glass for construction are encouraged to use plastic sheeting or plexiglass for the near future.
When asked who would be likely to drink a bottle this big, a company spokesman said that “we imaging American Fraternity Boys down here on spring break could polish it off in a single weekend. However, we are wanting it for at least a short time as a tourist attraction.”
Fernando Monte Verde, often called the most interesting man in the world, has stated that he considers it a personal challenge to purchase the Mescal and drink it in one setting by himself (with some help from a few scantilly clad female companions, of course), three fingers at a time.
I’ll bet the deposit on that bottle would be more than a nickel!