Second Annual Eat-A-Turd-For Mohammed Day Draws Big Crowds In Afghan’s Helmand Province

by on 21/02/13 at 5:22 am

At several events the Taliban's equivalent of the Dallas Cowboy's Cheerleaders, flashed some leg outside a makeshift shit-eater's diner in order to draw more interest by passing Afghan men.

At several events the Taliban’s equivalent of the Dallas Cowboy’s Cheerleaders, flashed some scandalous ‘forbidden leg’ outside a makeshift shit-eater’s diner in Kabul in order to draw more interest for turd-food by passing Afghan men.[caption id="attachment_49753" align="alignright" width="244"]See, we are an informative site! See, we are an informative site!

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Even kids were expected to eat from the Taliban's unique menu offerings.

Even kids were expected to eat from the Taliban’s unique menu offerings.

Afghanistan Tribal Areas-(SatireWorld.com)

In the remote tribal areas of eatern Afghanistan the Taliban declared today as the second annual "Eat A Turd For Mohammed Day" hoping to capitalize on recent events that show American forces leaving soon and the threat of reprisals against one-time Afghan/American allies proving more to be a legitimate concern.

Swarming into remote undefended mountain villages the armed Taliban forced villagers to eat their own crap at gunpoint in order to show their"true submission to Mohammed"….said Ziki Al-Ghabouni, a spokesman for the Taliban.

"It's not bad if there's enough corn in it," claimed village elder Ramoud Farsi, age 64, who wanly smiled with a nearly toothless mouth for the Taliban's digital movie camera as an old Russian AK-47 was pushed menacing against his back. Others in the village felt the same feelings, as scores of armed, dark bearded men took turns in dusty back rooms filling small plates for the villagers throughout the small enclave.

Children as young as two years old were expected to partake in the unusual fare in order to garner favoritism from the Taliban insurgents. Little Haji, age 3, ate his spiced turd at gun point and said it tasted a lot like his friend’s mom’s home cooking.

Started in 2012 as part of 'put trust in Allah with remarkable deeds and submission,' the Eat-A-Turd for Mohammed Day is the brainchild of Gazhi Al Boutmoub, a regional Taliban chieftain in the Walishiri sector of northern Pakistan. Al Boutmoub, aka The Stump Maker, also devised a special effects IED disguised as a circus clown that lured children with stuffed toys and candy then detonated once a crowd assembled.

For his innovative and courageous efforts, Al Boutmoub was awarded the prestigious Osama Medal consisting of two camels under a star and crescent moon. When asked about the meaning of the representations inscribed on the medal, no one actually knew, but one Taliban official claimed the 'Sheik' designed it by writing it in the sand with his urine stream shortly before he attended a midnight party courtesy of the US Navy SEALS.

In solidarity with the unusual Taliban request in Afghanistan, several American filmmakers sympathetic to Taliban issues and and anything anti-Trump, have planned a star-studded party where Hollywood’s elite will show their respect for Mohammed believers by eating a turd or two during a three-hour celebration at director at Michael Moore’s Bel-Air estate.

“We’ve put out a casting call for any non-Jewish volunteers to take a dump on my fine antique sterling silver serving platters just before guests arrive,” says Moore who plans to leave a turd-fest himself just for his special friends and followers.

“It’s all about understanding customs and religions of others, many of which we might not agree on, but it is only one night and the turds are relatively small and nicely spiced, “says Oliver Stone, who co-hosted the event with Moore, Sean Penn, and various MSNBC and CNN news staffers.



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