NYC mayor DeBlasio agrees to Skype with Vladimir Putin over secession demands from Brighton Beach Russians!

by on 23/03/14 at 6:15 am

Sources say Putin id still sore about losing the Red October submarine and the humiliation from Patrick Swayze in 'Red Dawn.'

DeBlasio hopes to patch things up quickly with the Russian leader. He says Putin is still sore about losing the Red October submarine and the humiliation from teenager Patrick Swayze in ‘Red Dawn.’

New York City – (satireworld.com)

Faced with mafia threats, riots in the street , and chants of Death to America, NYC mayor DeBlasio agrees to Skype with Vladimir Putin over secession demands from Russians in Brighton Beach, a section in greater New York City.

The socialist bred Mayor, Bill DeBlasio, agreed to negotiate the secession of the Russian Controlled Brighton Beach section of New York City, but said he was drawing a RED LINE over encroachment into Staten Island!

The appearance of armed uniformed soldiers in the area, along with T-34 tanks and unmarked helicopter gun ships was said to have persuaded the sorry ass first term mayor to acquiesce to Putin’s demands.

Critics of the mayor said his determination to ban the use of ‘stop and frisk’ was responsible for a battalion of unmarked russian T-34 battle tanks to have crossed through the Lincoln tunnel unchallenged, although they did stop to pay the toll, according to the turnpike authority who never misses a chance to collect their union pension money.

Said another critic, ‘Where’s Governor Christie when you need him to cause a traffic jam off the NJ turnpike at exit 18E to the tunnel! Fat Bastard!”

Residents said they were shocked to see platoons of uniformed soldiers dis embark from a fleet of yellow cabs piloted by al qaeda sympathizers from Pakistan and unveiling AK-47s from their bloused paratrooper fatigues.

According to an eye witness the first thing the troops did was head for the local package store and demand Finlandia VODKA.

Said one unidentified soldier, “It’s good to be here…we can’t get the good shit from where we come from..only rotten potato crap filtered through old sweat socks!”

After a few rounds of shots one grizzled veteran asked a bystander, “Now, Comrade, tell us where all the gays hang out, eh?”

With that distressing news spreading by way of the internet, traffic officials said bus terminals, rail lines, and airports were clogged with groups of LBGT passengers fighting to get back to California fearing they would be interned in gulags outside of Dallas Fort Worth.

No word yet if DeBlasio and his family have received assurance of asylum in Venezuela or Havana.

Reports from the White House say President Obama is busy looking for his Red magic marker while Valerie tried to assure him, “if you like your Stoly and your body man, I’m sure you and Vlad can work something out so you can keep at least one of them”



3 Responses to “NYC mayor DeBlasio agrees to Skype with Vladimir Putin over secession demands from Brighton Beach Russians!”

  1. Philbert of Macadamia

    Mar 23rd, 2014

    BREAKING NEWS: President Obama also took decisive action and appointed former White House Press Secretary Jay Carney as the new US Ambassador to Brighton Beach!

  2. captain america

    Mar 23rd, 2014

    ….rumour is he’s a ‘Russian Expert” and wants to be ambassador to Russia…guess finishing 2nd isn’t bad in the Obama scheme of
    things!

    looks like he’d be a match for Vlad….NOT!

  3. Philbert of Macadamia

    Mar 23rd, 2014

    Jay Carney once eating a bowl of Borscht, does not a Russian expert make!

    President Obama should bring back Condi Rice.

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