by E. Williams on 16/10/14 at 8:31 pm
TIKRIT, IRAQ – (satireworld.com)
Not wanting to be left out of the carnage, BISIS (Bisexuals of Islamic State in Syria) is continuing its sashay across this country and looking fabulous doing it. Yes, I know homosexuality is slightly frowned upon in the Middle East but, if you don’t indulge my premise, this article is really going to suck.
With that out of the way, BISIS includes bisexual, gay, lesbian and transgendered Muslims who also want to see a caliphate take place around the world. They just go about it in a different way.
While the hardcore members of ISIS have marched all the way to Baghdad, BISIS is still in Tikrit finishing up bedazzling the town. Satellite photos from space now show that Tikrit “sparkles” on bright, sunny days. The trek is also a little slower for BISIS since many of the fighters are having to walk across the desert sand in heels. No small feat!
Don’t let the name fool you though. BISIS is every bit as bloodthirsty as their brethren in ISIS. It’s just that they carry out their beheadings with more pomp and circumstance. When BISIS carries out a videotaped killing, they usually have Celine Dion or Barbra Streisand playing while background dancers groove behind the victim.
Fashion is another element of the BISIS movement. While black is the norm for most fighters, color is allowed as the terrorist militants are encouraged to let their inner fashionista shine. We overheard one BISIS member telling another after looking him over from head to toe, “Dorothy, lose the dress – Keep the shoes!”
There has never been a happier bunch of killers. They camp in tents at night and watch old reruns of Glee and The Ellen Show. In other parts of the camp, you can hear karaoke versions of “Copacabana” being sung. It’s one big party of death.
While the methods of terror differ from ISIS, the groups tolerate each other pretty well. An ISIS fighter we caught up with said, “Their lifestyle is abhorrent. I don’t agree with it, I prefer my six wives but, as long as they don’t push it on me and they continue to slay infidels, it matters not to me.”
The streets of Baghdad may soon flow with the blood of the non-believers but the splashy parade down those streets will distract everyone from it.