Dracula’s Castle For Sale in Transylvania

by on 19/10/14 at 5:38 am

For an additional $2 million, the seller will throw in a real witch  named Janice

For an additional $2 million, the seller will throw in a real witch named Janice

Transylvania,Romania – (satireworld.com)

The famous Dracula’s Castle, the Transylvania landmark once home of Vlad the Impaler and also known as Bran Castle, is up for sale in Romania. The sale price is estimated to be about $150 million in U.S. dollars.

While the castle has little indoor plumbing (except public bathrooms in the tourist areas), it does offer the following amenities:

A blood filled hot tub with water jets and a Jacuzzi motor for those “wild party nights.”  For the health conscious, this blood is guaranteed to be low in cholesterol.

A dungeon outfitted with all the latest in torture chamber equipment (both modern and classical). This room would be perfect for a small government interrogation center or a private, adult get together that turns a little kinky.

A family burial plot in the backyard, so that you can keep your loved ones close at all times.

No windows face the rising sun, allowing residents to sleep in late in the morning without annoying light in their eyes.

Four coffins in the basement, ready for the time when they are needed for that little emergency or just a quick nap. All can be lined with native earth from any part of the world at no extra cost (except shipping and handling).

A faithful servant will be on-site 24 hours a day. He will also see that the castle is kept free of insects and rodents and will dispose of them for you.  Mr E. Gore says that he is not related to the former United States Vice President, does not know who invented the internet, and refuses to discuss global warming or politics.

For the teenage daughters of any interested buyers… there is no proof that any sparkly vampires (the Twilight series of books and films) ever lived here… or even existed in the first place.

For the comic book fan, a real-life batcave is on the property. While the Batmobile is not present, there is access to the cave from the castle (stairs, not batpoles, must be used).

The only bats in the belfry belong to potential buyers.

Interested parties should contact Stoker Realty for more information and to arrange tours.

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